Mostly Ghostly Freaks and Shrieks Read online

  “Thanks,” I said. “Hoo hoo. Traci said you were really awesome.”

  That was a total lie, but I was trying to be nice. I mean, it was her birthday and everything.

  “Traci thinks I'm a wimp,” Stella said. But a smile spread over her tiny face. “We're going to play Spin the Flashlight later. I'll show her who's a wimp!”

  Spin the Flashlight?

  This really was a flashlight party! My first!

  Stella led me into the living room. It was decorated with pink and yellow balloons everywhere. And it was crowded with kids.

  “Traci is already here,” Stella said. She pointed. I saw Traci, her back to me.

  “Hoo hoo,” I said.

  Stella squinted. “Why do you keep saying that, Max?”

  I shrugged. “Just a bad habit,” I said.

  I started across the room. Kids were shining their flashlights into each other's eyes and laughing. Two boys were using their flashlights to poke each other in the stomach.

  I knew they had to be sixth graders. But they all looked totally babyish.

  “Hi, Traci,” I said.

  She turned around—and smiled at me!

  I nearly fainted. Traci Wayne smiled at me!

  “Max,” she said, “compared to the drippy nerds in this room, you're almost okay.”

  Wow! A compliment!

  “Hoo hoo,” I said. I pulled up my shirt and scratched my belly with both hands.

  Traci groaned. “I take back what I just said,” she said.

  Stella hurried over. “Max, why did you do that?”

  “I'm a party animal,” I said.

  “It's time for our flashlight games,” Stella said. She turned and shouted for everyone to pay attention. “Flashlight games, everyone! This is going to be way cool!”

  “Hoo hoo,” I said.

  Traci leaned close and whispered in my ear. “Max, I'm warning you. Don't embarrass me.”

  “No problem,” I said. I stuck out my tongue and spit all over her.

  “Uck!” Traci cried, wiping my spit off her chin. “How funny are you? Not!” She hurried to the other side of the room.

  I clenched my hands into fists. I knew I had to hold myself in. I had to be totally on guard at all times. No way did I want Traci to know about my little monkey problem.

  I hung back and stayed quiet when the games began. But to my shock, the games went on for hours. You have no idea how many flashlight games there are!

  Stella and most of the other kids seemed to be having a great time. Traci stayed against the wall, making calls on her cell phone to all her cool friends. I hung in another corner, trying not to act like a chimp and give myself away.

  Finally, I couldn't help it. I opened my flashlight, pulled out a battery, and started sucking on it, making loud, disgusting sucking noises.

  Do you have to ask why? Because I was part chimpanzee!

  Stella stopped the game. Her mouth dropped open. “Max? What are you doing?” She started shouting for her mom.

  Her mom came running into the room. She looked just like Stella, only maybe a few inches taller. She pulled the battery from my mouth. “Young man, are you trying to be funny?” she asked. “Do you know how dangerous this is?”

  I saw Traci staring at me. She was blushing bright red.

  I had totally embarrassed her.

  Something inside me snapped. I wanted to be nice, well-mannered, quiet Max Doyle.

  But I had a monkey problem. And there was nothing I could do about it.

  The monkey took over. I wobbled to the food table. I grabbed up a big hunk of potato salad and flung it at Stella's mom.

  It hit her on the forehead with a wet smack and dripped down her face.

  I heaved another pile of potato salad and hit the wall above the fireplace.

  “Max! Stop it! Are you crazy? Stop it!”

  That was Traci screaming at me.

  Could I stop it? No way.

  I climbed up on the food table. Raised a big bowl of pretzels above my head—and heaved it at a group of shocked kids across the room. Kids screamed as pretzels flew everywhere.

  Then I dug both hands into the chocolate icing of the birthday cake, rubbed some of it in my hair, and flung a big hunk at Stella.

  It hit her in the chin and dripped down her neck.

  I was chattering like a chimp. I couldn't stop myself. I reached for two more handfuls of cake and saw Stella and her mom and Traci storm toward me.

  Stella and her mom grabbed my arms and jerked me down to the floor. I struggled to climb back onto the table. But they held me tightly.

  “Traci, take your friend home,” Stella's mom commanded angrily. “He is acting like a wild animal. Take him home at once.”

  Traci's face was bright red. She was shaking with anger and embarrassment. “I'm so sorry,” she whispered, lowering her head. “I'm really so sorry.”

  She grabbed me and pulled me to the front door. “Max, what is your problem?” she asked through gritted teeth.

  “Hoo hoo,” I said.

  I still had hunks of chocolate cake in my hands. I rubbed them in Traci's hair. Then I started grooming her with both hands.

  Would she ever speak to me again?

  Three guesses.

  “HOW WAS THE BIRTHDAY party?” Mom asked.

  “Great,” I said.

  “Did you make a lot of new friends?”

  “Oh, sure,” I said.

  I hurried up to my room before I could start chimping it up again. “Nicky? Tara? Are you here?” I called, searching for them. “Where are you? Did you find Dr. Smollet?”

  Silence. No sign of them.

  I let out a long sigh. My life was ruined. Ruined forever.

  I hopped onto my bed and began jumping up and down, making chattering noises.

  Wait. Suddenly, I had a hunch. I just knew where I'd find Nicky and Tara.

  Back at Dr. Smollet's lab. Don't ask me why. I had the strongest feeling that they were back there.

  I had to go. I had to see if my hunch was right.

  Mom was busy in the kitchen. I sneaked past her and let myself out the front door. The moon was already high in the sky. The night breeze felt cold against my face.

  Wobbling like a chimp, I hurried to the bus stop.

  I leaped onto a low tree limb and ate some leaves as I waited for the bus. It didn't come for nearly half an hour. Finally, I climbed inside and walked to the back.

  “Hoo hoo.” I wanted to swing on the poles, but I forced myself to stay in my seat.

  The bus bumped along Miller Street, then turned when it got to town. There were two other kids on the bus, but they didn't go to my school.

  I got off half a block from the lab. Seeing it again, my heart began to thump. My legs felt as if they weighed a thousand pounds as I pulled open the gate, walked past the barbed wire fence, and stepped up to the front door.

  This is crazy, I thought. Why would Dr. Smollet come back here?

  How can I even get in?

  My hand shook. I tried the front door. Was it locked? No. I pulled it open easily.

  As soon as I stepped inside, I heard the cries and howls of the lab animals hidden somewhere beyond the white walls. I wanted to find them and set them all free.

  But I knew that getting my brain back to normal was more important right now.

  I strode quickly down the twisting white halls. I was surprised that I remembered the way.

  The door to the lab stood open. I took a deep breath and stepped inside.

  “Oh!” I let out a cry when I saw Dr. Smollet and Mr. Harvey in the middle of the room.

  A smile spread slowly over Dr. Smollet's face. “Come in, Max,” he said. “Mr. Harvey and I have been waiting for you.”

  I FROZE IN THE doorway. My whole body locked in fear.

  Before I could move, Dr. Smollet rushed across the room and grabbed me by the shoulders. He was surprisingly strong. He half-dragged, half-carried me to the tall stool beside all the comput
ers.

  And I realized that Mr. Harvey was already hooked up. The chimp had headphones on. He was sitting quietly, watching the whole thing.

  Dr. Smollet took a cable and wrapped it tightly around my chest and arms. He quickly tied me to the tall stool beside the chimp.

  “Wh-what are you going to do?” I finally managed to say.

  He ran a hand through his white beard. His cold smile grew wider. “I'm going to finish the job,” he said. “I only switched half your brains before. Now I'm going to complete the transfer. You will be a total chimp.”

  He reached for a set of headphones.

  “But—why?” I choked out.

  “Setting my trap,” Dr. Smollet said. “Nicky and Tara's parents ruined my life. Now I'm going to trap the whole family and pay them back.”

  “What are you talking about?” I shouted.

  “I didn't work for the Rolands. I worked for Phears. I've waited a long time to pay them back for what they did to us ghosts.”

  “By making me a chimp?” I said.

  He nodded. “Nicky and Tara will do anything to save you—won't they? Even stay here with me in my lab? I'm going to make your two ghost friends a deal. I'll return your brain to normal—if they agree to stay here. You see, I'm going to use Nicky and Tara as bait to reel in their parents.”

  “Your plan will never work,” I said. “Give me a chance to talk with Nicky and Tara. Maybe—”

  He knew I was stalling for time. His blue eyes grew cold. He tightened the cables around me, making sure I couldn't escape. Then he moved to a computer keyboard and started typing.

  I squirmed and struggled to pull myself free. I shook my head back and forth, trying to toss off the headphones.

  The chimp chattered and hopped up and down on the stool next to me. I heard a low electronic hum.

  I shut my eyes and clamped my teeth together.

  Oh no. Oh no. This can't be happening, I thought.

  He's going to suck out the last part of my brain. And leave me with a chimp brain. Max the Chimp. Max the Chimpbrain—forever.

  The hum grew louder.

  What could I do? I had to escape—but how?

  The hum made my head vibrate. It grew louder till it drowned out all sound—even my thoughts!

  And then I felt a soft puff of air inside my head. Like a puff of smoke, floating over my mind, blanking it out… blanking it all out.

  I opened my eyes. I blinked several times, struggling to focus.

  Dr. Smollet stood tensely at the keyboard, rubbing his beard, watching me.

  I picked up my head. I scratched my chest.

  “Hoo hoo hoo,” I said.

  I FELT LIKE HOPPING up and down. Then I thought how nice it would be to climb a tree and pick some tasty leaves.

  But I couldn't move. I was tied to the stool.

  “Hoo hoo.”

  “It worked,” I heard Dr. Smollet say. “I am a genius. I have transferred a chimp's brain into a living boy.”

  “Hoo?”

  I didn't understand. What was he talking about? Did he plan to set me free?

  Where did he keep the bananas? Where were the trees for me to climb?

  “Chee chee chee!” I called, trying to get his attention.

  But something strange was happening to Dr. Smollet. He suddenly began acting totally weird.

  His arms flew up. He spun around.

  “Let me go!” he screamed. “Get off me! Nicky! Tara! Let me go!”

  Who was he screaming at? I didn't see anyone else in the room except for the other chimp.

  Dr. Smollet started staggering backward. He was thrashing his arms and shouting. It looked like someone was pushing him to the tall stools, except I couldn't see anyone there.

  The next thing I knew, the other chimp was set free. I expected him to run away, but he didn't. He climbed down from the stool and stood scratching his head.

  Squirming and kicking, Dr. Smollet plopped down on the stool next to me. “You can't do this to me!” he screamed. “Let me go! What are you doing? You two don't know how to switch brains!”

  His angry words rang in my ears. What did they mean?

  I watched the headphones fly up all by themselves. Then they slid down over Dr. Smollet's head.

  I suddenly felt frightened. What was happening here?

  Was something bad going to happen to me?

  I tried to figure it all out, but thinking so hard made my head hurt. I wanted to climb to the highest tree branch I could find. But I wasn't even in my own body. I was in a boy's body! Trapped here. Trapped!

  I heard a loud hum in the headphones. My head started to buzz. The buzz grew louder.

  The last thing I saw was the terrified look on Dr. Smollet's face.

  I felt a shock. I shut my eyes.

  I felt a gentle puff of wind inside my head.

  When I opened my eyes, everything had changed.

  I SAW NICKY AND Tara standing by the computer keyboard. “You can't do this!” I screamed. “You can't do this to a great scientist!”

  My voice came out high and shrill. I realized I was inside Max's body.

  The two evil little Roland ghosts had made a successful switch. My brain was inside Max. And inside my body …

  “Hoo hoo hoo!”

  The chimp! Mr. Harvey's brain was now inside my body. The chimp was scratching my beard, slapping the front of my white lab coat.

  I knew I'd never get over this insult. Putting the brain of a chimp inside the head of one of the world's most brilliant scientists!

  I'll wait for my chance, I thought. I'll make those two ghosts pay for what they've done!

  But what can I do? I'm just a boy. A brilliant scientist trapped in a boy's body!

  Oh no. I gasped as I saw what those two ghost kids were doing.

  They pulled my body—Dr. Smollet's body—off the other stool. They put the chimp on the stool and hooked him up with the headphones.

  I knew what they planned to do.

  The chimp had Max's brain inside him. And I—Dr. Smollet—was inside Max's body.

  So I knew what they planned to do. And I knew I was helpless to stop them.

  The loud hum in my ears again. A strong jolt of electricity. A pounding roar.

  And then a gentle puff of air.

  I opened my eyes. I glanced around.

  Nicky and Tara ran up to me. They pulled the headphones off and tossed them to the floor. They helped me off the stool, onto the floor.

  “Max? Max? Are you back to normal?” Tara cried.

  “Did it work?” Nicky demanded, tugging my arm eagerly. “Did our brain transfer work, Max? Are you Max again? The right brain in the right body?”

  “Hoo hoo hoo,” I said.

  I LAUGHED. “I'M ONLY kidding!” I cried. “I'm back. I have my brain back again! I'm so happy, I wish I could kiss it!”

  I hugged them both. “Good work, guys! You saved me! This time, you really saved me!”

  “Let's get out of here,” Tara said. “This place gives me the creeps.”

  I turned back. “But—what about them?”

  I watched Dr. Smollet and Mr. Harvey. Their brains were switched. Dr. Smollet was pounding his chest, going, “Chee chee chee!” Mr. Harvey was pacing back and forth angrily, his hands clasped behind his back.

  “We're safe now,” Nicky said. “Smollet's brain is tucked nicely inside the chimp. He can't do any evil in there.”

  “But what if they switch brains again?” I asked.

  “No way,” Tara said. She took the chimp by the hand. “We're taking Mr. Harvey to the zoo. They'll find him very interesting since he's so smart.”

  Nicky laughed. “The smartest chimp in history! Maybe he'll be famous.”

  “The zoo will never let him go,” Tara said. “Dr. Smollet will never get his brain back.”

  “Hoo hoo!” Dr. Smollet called.

  We ran down the long hall, dragging the chimp with us. Out on the street, the night air felt fresh and cold.
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  I hugged Nicky and Tara again. Yes, my performance for Ballantine was ruined. But I was a lucky dude. Lucky to have such amazing friends.

  I watched Nicky and Tara head off with Mr. Harvey, the brilliant chimpanzee. I hoped he enjoyed his new home.

  Then I took the Miller Street bus back to my house.

  Mom was in the kitchen, grinding stuff in the food processor. “Max? Where have you been?” She had to shout over the deafening roar of the machine.

  “I was kidnapped by a crazed ghost scientist. I traded brains with a chimpanzee,” I told her. “Then we traded back.”

  “That's nice,” she shouted. “Now go upstairs and do your homework.”

  “No problem,” I said.

  • • •

  The next Saturday, Mom surprised me with two tickets. Two tickets to see Ballantine the Nearly Amazing in an all-star performance at the City Center!

  Can you imagine how excited I felt? I'd never seen the great magician do his act live. And our seats were in the second row!

  Before the curtain, I could barely sit still. Finally, the lights went dim. The huge auditorium grew silent.

  A white spotlight moved across the deep purple curtain. And a voice boomed over the loudspeaker: “Ladies and gentlemen, we are proud to present the world-famous magician Ballantine the Nearly Amazing. Tonight he will be performing the new comedy-magic act he calls Monkey Magic. Let's hear it for Ballantine!”

  The crowd cheered. The purple curtain rose slowly. I saw a carnival set. A table loaded with magic equipment.

  And out came Ballantine in his glittery cape and turban, wobbling like a chimp. He turned to the audience and called out, “Hoo hoo hoo!”

  The audience roared. They thought it was a riot.

  Ballantine, acting like a monkey! He climbed onto the table and peeled a banana. He made the banana disappear back into the peel.

  “Hoo hoo!” he called.

  The audience roared and cheered. I sat back in my seat, my mouth hanging open. Mom turned to me. “Max? You're not enjoying it?” she whispered. “What's wrong?” “He … he stole my act!” I cried.

  TO BE CONTINUED