Mostly Ghostly Freaks and Shrieks Read online

  “Yes, you will,” I agreed.

  On the monitor screen, I saw my profile and the chimp's profile. Leaning over the keyboard, Dr. Smollet kept typing.

  I felt a buzzing in my head. Soft at first, then louder.

  On the screen, my head and the chimp's head slid closer together.

  The headphones began to vibrate. I reached my hands up and pressed against them. The buzz increased to a roar.

  Nicky and Tara held me by the shoulders. The three of us stared at the monitor as my head and the chimp's head moved closer … closer together … closer …

  Until Mr. Harvey's head covered mine.

  I felt a whoosh of wind, as if someone had blown a puff of air inside my head.

  It lasted only a second. A strange, frightening feeling that made my whole body shudder.

  I gripped the headphones as if holding on to a lifeboat. And suddenly, I felt as if I was underwater. The air seemed to ripple like water. And I felt light, floating.

  The monitor screen blurred. The white lab walls gleamed brighter and brighter until they washed everything else from my sight.

  I blinked—and everything slowly drifted back into focus.

  “Max? Are you okay?”

  I could hear Tara's voice. But it sounded very far away.

  “Max? Max?”

  I blinked a few more times. Then I glanced around, struggling to see clearly, my head still buzzing.

  Mr. Harvey hadn't moved from the stool next to me. He still gripped his headphones and bounced up and down. Dr. Smollet was typing on his keyboard. Nicky and Tara stood next to me, their faces creased with worry.

  I stuck my tongue out and made a loud spitting noise at them.

  Oh no! Why did I do that?

  “Sorry,” I said. I tugged the headphones off.

  “Max? How do you feel?” Dr. Smollet asked. He stepped over to my stool and took the headphones from me. “Are you okay?”

  “I guess,” I said. “I don't feel very different.”

  “Oh, thank goodness!” Tara cried.

  “Hoo hoo hoo,” I said.

  Huh? Monkey noises?

  Dr. Smollet smiled and nodded. “I think the transfer is working,” he said.

  “I still feel like me,” I said. “I don't really feel hoo hoo hoo very different.”

  I tested my memory. I remembered my name … my address … my phone number.

  Yes! I was still Max Doyle.

  The brains didn't switch. I was still me!

  I suddenly thought about lunch. Would there be a banana?

  Dr. Smollet kept smiling at me. “Success! I'm very pleased,” he said. “It will take a short while for the chimp's brain to settle into Max's brain. But when it does—”

  “Hoo hoooo,” I said, hopping up and down on the tall stool. “Hoo hoo hooo.”

  “When the brain settles down,” Dr. Smollet continued, “Mr. Harvey will be able to tell us— through Max—everything he saw.”

  “Hoo,” I said, nodding. I reached out one hand and worked at removing a piece of fuzz from Tara's shirt.

  “Max, do you feel totally weird?” Nicky asked.

  I hopped up and down. “Hoo hoo,” I said. “Yeah. Kinda weird. It's like there's someone else in here with me.”

  Dr. Smollet picked up the chimp. “Mr. Harvey seems a little dazed,” he said. “I'm going to take him to the kitchen over there and give him something to eat.”

  He turned and started walking toward a white door at the far end of the lab. Mr. Harvey waved to us over Dr. Smollet's shoulder.

  “When I come back, we'll question Max,” Dr. Smollet said. “At last, you two kids will have some answers!”

  He and the chimp disappeared into the kitchen.

  Nicky and Tara had big grins on their faces. They were practically hopping up and down too.

  “Max, this is so awesome!” Tara cried. “You're going to tell us what happened to our family. And maybe you can tell us how to be alive again!”

  “Thanks, dude!” Nicky said. He slapped me a high five.

  “Wish Mom and Dad were here,” Tara said.

  “Hoo hoo,” I replied. I suddenly wanted to scratch my chest.

  I struggled to think clearly. “You know, I still hoo hoo feel like me,” I said. My voice came out scratchy and high. “And I still think like me,” I told them. “But … I want a banana really badly.”

  Nicky and Tara laughed. They thought I was joking.

  I shut my eyes for a moment and thought really hard.

  Was the chimp's brain really inside mine? If so, why did I still think like me?

  Yes, I was making chimp sounds. And yes, I had some chimp feelings.

  But what about the chimp memories? What about the things Mr. Harvey was supposed to reveal to Nicky and Tara? Were those memories inside my head?

  “Max, why are your eyes closed?” Nicky asked.

  “What is it?” Tara demanded. “Are you okay? What are you thinking about?”

  Good question.

  I was thinking about bananas. And about scratching myself.

  But what else?

  Where were the important chimp memories?

  Where was the important information?

  “Uh-oh,” I murmured. A wave of dread swept over me, making me feel heavy and cold.

  “Hoo hoo,” I said. “Something is wrong, guys. Something is terribly wrong.”

  THEY STARED AT ME with their mouths open.

  I struggled to think clearly. If only I had a banana. Or maybe some grapes.

  I suddenly had to go to the bathroom. Should I do it in my pants?

  “Hoo hoo,” I said.

  I shook my head hard. No time for monkey talk. I had to tell Nicky and Tara what I was thinking.

  “Listen, guys,” I said in my scratchy voice. “Something is very wrong. Hoo hoo. The chimp brain is inside me. I can hoo hoo feel it.”

  “Yes?” Tara asked. “And?”

  I reached up to her hair and started to work my fingers through it, grooming her, searching for fleas. She pulled my arm away gently. “Max, what are you trying to say?”

  “The chimp brain is empty!” I cried. I started hopping furiously up and down. “Hoo hoo!”

  “I—I don't understand,” Nicky said. “What do you mean?”

  “Give him a chance,” Tara scolded her brother. “He's part chimp. It takes him time to get the words out.”

  I took a deep breath. “The brain is empty,” I said, speaking slowly, forcing myself to concentrate. “It doesn't have any memories. There are no memories of you or your family.”

  “No way!” Tara cried. “You're just not thinking right, Max.”

  “There's nothing to think about,” I said. “Hoo hoo hoo. I want a banana really badly. That's my only thought. Don't you see? Something is wrong. I have chimp thoughts—but no memories at all!”

  I jumped down from the stool. I started toward the kitchen.

  “Where are you going?” Tara cried. She and Nicky hurried after me.

  I was lumbering from side to side, like a chimp.

  “Don't panic, Max,” Tara said. “Dr. Smollet will be able to get the memories from your brain. You have to wait for him.”

  “Hoo hoo,” I said. “There's something weird going on.”

  I wobbled across the lab to the kitchen. Nicky and Tara ran close behind me.

  I pulled open the door and we stepped inside.

  No one there. An empty room.

  And it wasn't a kitchen. It was an empty closet. With an open door at the other end.

  “Dr. Smollet!” Nicky and Tara both shouted. “Dr. Smollet! Where are you?”

  No answer.

  All I could hear were the shrieks and cries of the lab animals far down the hall.

  “Dr. Smollet? Dr. Smollet?”

  We ran up and down the long halls, searching for him, shouting his name.

  No answer.

  “Hoo hoo,” I said, hopping up and down angrily. “He and Mr. Har
vey have run away!”

  THE WORDS MADE ME dizzy. I sank onto the floor. I shook my head sadly.

  “He … he took my brain,” I whispered. “I … I'm half chimpanzee!”

  Nicky and Tara dropped down beside me. “We'll find him,” Tara said. “Don't worry, Max. We'll search the whole town if we have to.”

  “We'll get the rest of your brain back,” Nicky said.

  I felt sick. My stomach tightened into a knot. I didn't even want a banana anymore.

  My brain. Part of my brain was inside that chimp. And part of his brain was inside me.

  I didn't understand. Was it some kind of evil trick?

  What if we never saw Dr. Smollet again? Would I be forced to spend the rest of my life as Max the Incredible Monkey Boy?

  “No,” I murmured. “No, no, no. Hoo hoo. This can't be happening to me.”

  I glanced at my watch. “I'm late!” I cried, jumping up. “I'm late for my tryout with Ballan-tine!”

  Nicky and Tara helped me up. “We'll get you to the audition,” Tara said. “Don't worry.”

  “Hoooo,” I said. I started picking at one of Tara's ears. Why couldn't I keep my hands off her head?

  “I'm half chimp,” I wailed. “How can I do my tricks?”

  “Just act like everything is okay,” Nicky said. “I'll bet no one even notices.”

  “Yeah, right,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Halfway through my tricks, I'll start picking through Ballantine's hair!”

  “He'll think it's part of the act,” Tara said.

  We walked down the long white halls. I could hear animals shrieking and crying on all sides. I wanted to sit down and cry too.

  My brain. My beautiful, awesome brain was half chimp.

  Nicky and Tara shouted Dr. Smollet's name all the way down the hall again.

  Still no reply.

  The front door stood wide open. Dr. Smollet and Mr. Harvey must have run out—in a very big hurry to get away.

  But why?

  Why run off and leave me like this?

  “Go to the magic store and do your best,” Tara said. “Nicky and I will search this whole town. We won't give up until we find Dr. Smollet and that chimp. We'll get your brain back, Max. I promise.”

  “Yes, we both promise,” Nicky said.

  Why didn't their promise cheer me up?

  I had to go home to get my magic kit. We climbed onto the Miller Street bus and walked all the way to the back.

  “Hoo hoo,” I said, shaking my head sadly.

  Nicky and Tara sat down with their heads lowered, their hands clasped tightly in their laps. All three of us felt sick with worry. We didn't feel like talking.

  A few blocks later, the driver suddenly stopped the bus. He climbed out of his seat and walked to the back. “Young man,” he called. “Would you please stop swinging on the poles?”

  Oops.

  “Sorry,” I muttered. I let go of the pole and dropped down beside Nicky and Tara. I didn't even realize I was swinging.

  “Hoo hoo hoo,” I said.

  The driver stared at me for a long time. “Do you kids think you're funny?” he snarled.

  “Hoo,” I said.

  “You know who,” he snapped. “You, that's who.”

  “Hoo,” I said.

  Shaking his head, he walked back to the front and started the bus up. I wanted to swing some more. But Nicky and Tara held me down.

  “You'll be okay, Max,” Tara said softly. “I promise. You'll be perfectly okay.”

  Of course she was wrong.

  MOM DROVE ME TO the magic store. I sat beside her and stared straight ahead. I gripped my magic kit tightly in my lap.

  “You're very quiet today,” Mom said.

  “Hoo,” I replied.

  “Who? You!” She laughed. “Are you worried about the famous magician?”

  “Hoo,” I said.

  “You know. Ballantine,” she replied.

  “I'm a little tense,” I managed to say. I put my lips together and made a loud, juicy spitting noise.

  “After your tryout, I'll drive you straight to Traci's party,” Mom said.

  I made another spitting noise.

  “The party won't be that bad,” Mom said, pulling into a parking space. “I thought you had a crush on Traci Wayne.”

  “Hoo,” I said.

  “Ha, ha. Very funny,” Mom replied, rolling her eyes. “You're in a very weird mood.”

  Well, yeah, Mom. You see, I've never been half chimpanzee before!

  That's what I wanted to say. But of course I didn't.

  I thanked her for the ride and climbed out of the car. Again, there was a big crowd around the magic store. The line of magicians stretched down the block. I wobbled my way to the back of the line.

  Luckily, I had packed a couple of bananas and a few tangerines in my magic kit to keep up my energy. The woman in front of me had long red hair. I wanted to groom it for her. But somehow I managed to keep my hands to myself.

  The line moved up slowly.

  I couldn't help myself. I hopped up and down and shouted, “Hoo hoo hoo!”

  The red-haired magician spun around. “What's your problem, kid?” she asked.

  I shrugged. “Just warming up my voice,” I said. I picked a piece of lint off her poncho. Then I pulled back my lips and flashed her a toothy grin.

  She rolled her eyes and spun back around.

  Finally, my turn came to perform for Ballan-tine the Nearly Amazing. He sat on his tall chair, with Mr. and Mrs. Hocus at his sides. Today he was dressed all in black—black trousers, a black turtleneck, and a black turban on his head.

  “Hello, Max. Nice to see you back,” he boomed in his deep voice.

  He remembered me!

  I climbed onto the little stage and took a bow. I'd brought a new trick with me because I couldn't do the drinking glass trick. Aaron's doctor had to break the glasses to get them off his hands.

  I set a top hat upside down on the table on the stage. Then I raised a pitcher of water over the hat. “Hoo hoo. The Pitcher of Endless Disappearing Water!” I announced.

  The idea was that I would pour the pitcher of water into the hat. The pitcher would keep pouring and pouring. It would never empty. And when I picked up the hat, it would be totally dry. No water.

  It wasn't a hard trick. I'd practiced it hundreds of times.

  But as I raised the pitcher, I suddenly got a better idea. I decided to stand on my head and pour the water.

  “Hoo hoo hoo,” I said. My chest suddenly itched a lot. I stopped to scratch it with both hands.

  Then I stuck out my tongue at Ballantine and made a loud spitting noise.

  His smile faded. He leaned forward in his big chair. He had a confused look on his face.

  “Hoo hoo.” I started to stand on my head.

  But then I had an even better idea. I jumped onto the table. I kicked the top hat into the air. “Hoo hoo!” I cried. I scratched myself some more.

  “Ha, ha!” Ballantine laughed. “He's a monkey. I get it! He's a monkey magician!”

  Mr. and Mrs. Hocus started to laugh. And soon everyone in the back room at the store was laughing.

  I made more spitting noises. I did a few cartwheels over the tabletop.

  “Hoo hoo hoo.”

  Then I poured the pitcher of water over my head.

  “Ha, ha, ha,” Ballantine laughed some more. “Chimp magic. Look at him. He's very believable! Ha, ha!”

  I wobbled off the stage. I felt kinda sick. That wasn't the trick I'd rehearsed.

  Ballantine was laughing. Did that mean he liked it?

  I wanted to climb a tree and hide on the highest limb and eat leaves.

  But I saw him waving me over. He climbed down from his chair and led me to the side of the room.

  My heart was pounding. I couldn't stop hopping up and down.

  Ballantine rested his hand on my shoulder. “Chimp magic, huh?” he said softly. “Funny. Very original. It made me laugh, kid. But it's
not what I'm looking for.”

  I pressed my lips together and made a loud spitting sound.

  “Don't be disappointed,” Ballantine said. “It was a nice try. But that monkey act just doesn't make it.”

  He patted my shoulder and gave me a gentle shove toward the door. “Come back in a few years—okay, Max?”

  I slumped through the store. I gazed at the line of eager magicians. Two or three of them would be lucky. They would become students of Ballantine's.

  But not me. I'd blown my big chance. I'd poured water on myself and spit in Ballantine's face.

  How stupid was that?

  And all because of my two ghost friends, Nicky and Tara.

  Where were they? I wondered.

  Had they tracked down that evil creep Smollet? They had to keep their promise. No way could I keep on going with this chimp brain inside me.

  I pictured myself in school. Sitting in class. Pouring water over my head. Doing cartwheels. And spitting in Ms. McDonald's face.

  “I need to get my brain back to normal!” I shouted.

  Several magicians turned and gaped at me.

  “Sorry,” I said. “That's part of my act. Brain magic. Ha, ha. Hoo hoo.”

  I hurried across the street to my mom's car.

  Now it was time for Traci's cousin's birthday party.

  My big chance to be at a party with the coolest girl in school.

  Could I keep my monkey brain under control?

  TRACI'S COUSIN STELLA GREETED me at her door. She was a tiny girl with curly brown hair and pointy ears that poked out of her hair and stood straight up like mouse ears.

  I knew she was a sixth grader like me. But she looked about four years old. And she was wearing a frilly, lacy party dress that made her look like some kind of doll that should be kept on a shelf.

  “Hoo hoo. Happy birthday,” I said. I handed her the present Mom had wrapped for me.

  “Thanks,” Stella said. “What is it?”

  “I don't know,” I said. “Something my mom picked out.”

  She tossed it into the house. “Do you have your flashlight?” she asked. “You can't come in unless you have it. It's a flashlight party.”

  I held up my flashlight. “Hoo hoo,” I said. I hopped up and down and scratched Stella under the chin.

  “That's not funny,” she said. “Traci said you were kind of odd.” She pushed open the screen door. “I guess you can come in.”