Beware of the Purple Peanut Butter Read online

  BEWARE!!

  DO NOT READ THIS BOOK FROM

  BEGINNING TO END!

  “Don’t go in the basement!” your aunt warns as you start a game of hide-and-seek with your two horrible cousins.

  Do you listen? No way!

  But while you’re hiding in the basement, your stomach grumbles and growls. You open an old refrigerator and find a jar of purple peanut butter and a stale chocolate cake. Which should you eat? Watch out: A SMALL taste of one of these foods could cause BIG trouble — you may never be the same again!

  You’re in control of this scary adventure. You decide what will happen. And how terrifying the scares will be.

  Start on PAGE 1. Then follow the instructions at the bottom of each page. You make the choices.

  SO TAKE A LONG, DEEP BREATH, CROSS YOUR FINGERS, AND TURN TO PAGE 1 TO GIVE YOURSELF GOOSEBUMPS!

  Contents

  Beware!!

  Title Page

  1

  2

  3

  4

  5

  6

  7

  8

  9

  10

  11

  12

  13

  14

  15

  16

  17

  18

  19

  20

  21

  22

  23

  24

  25

  26

  27

  28

  29

  30

  31

  32

  33

  34

  35

  36

  37

  38

  39

  40

  41

  42

  43

  44

  45

  46

  47

  48

  49

  50

  51

  52

  53

  54

  55

  56

  57

  58

  59

  60

  61

  62

  63

  64

  65

  66

  67

  68

  69

  70

  71

  72

  73

  74

  75

  76

  77

  78

  79

  80

  81

  82

  83

  84

  85

  86

  87

  88

  89

  90

  91

  92

  93

  94

  95

  96

  97

  98

  99

  100

  101

  102

  103

  104

  105

  106

  107

  108

  109

  110

  111

  112

  113

  114

  115

  116

  117

  118

  119

  120

  121

  122

  123

  124

  125

  126

  127

  128

  129

  130

  131

  132

  133

  134

  135

  Teaser

  About the Author

  Also Available

  Copyright

  You can’t believe your parents did this to you!

  Your mom and dad are off to Europe on a business trip. So you have to spend the summer in Fiskeville with Aunt Fiona and Uncle Harvey. Which means spending the summer with your cousins Barney and Dora.

  Which means a summer of torture.

  Barney is a year older than you and a bully. Dora is a year younger and a whiny pest. Not what you had in mind for your summer vacation.

  You stare glumly out the car window as your aunt and uncle drive home from the airport. Aunt Fiona turns around in the front seat and beams at you. “Barney and Dora can’t wait till we bring you home,” she squeals.

  I’ll bet, you think. Bad-News Barney can’t wait to pound me into the ground. Dora the Drag can’t wait to rope me into playing with her dolls.

  Uncle Harvey pulls the car into a driveway. You stare at the house. It’s two stories high and run-down. The lawn is choked with weeds. The front steps are cracked and crumbling. Not very promising.

  At least the creepy cousins aren’t around, you think. Maybe you can sneak off before they know you’re here.

  Then a loud bang makes you nearly jump out of your skin!

  Go on to PAGE 2.

  Barney runs out the front door, letting it slam behind him. You slowly step out of the car. Barney’s pudgy face breaks into a mean grin under his thick blond hair. Even though he’s only a year older than you, he’s twice your size. While your aunt and uncle unload the car, he punches you on the arm, hard.

  “Hi, wimp,” he snarls.

  Dora skips around the side of the house, holding her obnoxious orange cat, Puff. Dora’s dark hair hangs in two long braids over her shoulders. She eyes you with a smirk, then giggles. Puff hisses at you.

  What a summer! you think. Maybe you can spend your entire vacation upstairs in your room.

  But no. “We’ve been waiting for you,” Barney says. “Let’s play hide-and-seek.”

  Oh, no, you think. It’s starting.

  “It’s nice to see you’re already having fun,” Aunt Fiona gushes. “Your uncle and I have to go back to work at the university. I’ll take your suitcase upstairs for you.”

  “No, really —” you protest. “I don’t mind —”

  “Nonsense,” Uncle Harvey responds. “You kids go on and play. There’s just one thing. It’s very important. You can play anywhere you want, but don’t go in the basement.”

  Turn to PAGE 23.

  The water bug tries to climb onto the stick. You notice that it has wings. Which gives you an idea.

  An idea that makes you want to hurl.

  You reach out and pat the water bug. Its body feels hard and slimy. It waves its antennae at you. It seems to like you.

  Great. I’ve found a new friend, you think.

  A friend who is so disgusting that now even Barney looks good!

  You pat the huge brown bug again. Then you climb onto its back. It doesn’t seem to mind. You grab hold of its antennae, and kick the bug in the sides as if you were riding a horse.

  As you hoped, it spreads its wings.

  The next moment, it’s flying!

  Up, up, up!

  Fly on to PAGE 104.

  You don’t want to get in trouble on your very first day here. You take off running. You notice the other kids scattering in all directions. After you’ve put some distance between you and the field, you glance back. By the time the police car arrives at the baseball field, it is completely deserted.

  Phew, you think, that was close.

  Your rumbling stomach reminds you that you are still hungry. That chocolate cake wasn’t enough. As you head for home, you realize that now even Uncle Harvey’s shoes are too tight. Your toes are scrunched up inside the sneakers. You walk by a neighbor’s window and catch a glimpse of your reflection in the glass.

  You can’t believe your eyes!

  You are at least a foot taller than you were this morning.

  Turn to PAGE 134.

&
nbsp; You run down the street to the left. The number 5 bus pulls up just as you arrive at the corner.

  By now you’re so small that you have to stand on tiptoe to drop your coins into the box. And when you arrive at the university, you can’t reach the rope to signal for a stop. Luckily, some other people are getting out, too. You slip off the bus behind them.

  The university is huge. Dozens of big red-brick buildings surround a grassy area. People hurry along the pathways.

  How will you find your aunt?

  A sign points to the main administration building. Maybe that’s where you can find out where Aunt Fiona is. You head that way. Then those pink dots appear again. Thousands of dots.

  When your fingers and toes stop tingling, you discover that you are now the same height as the dandelions on the lawn!

  At the rate you’re shrinking, you might disappear before you make it to the main building.

  Should you run into the physics building right in front of you? Maybe one of the scientists will be able to help you.

  Or should you keep going to the main building to find your aunt?

  If you dash into the physics building, zoom over to PAGE 39.

  If you keep looking for your aunt, turn to PAGE 126.

  You want to try to talk to Barney. You watch him race for the house.

  “Stop!” you shout. The sound of your voice makes the entire yard shake.

  You pick Barney up in your hand. He screams in terror.

  “No!” he yells. “No! Put me down! Please put me down!”

  You’ve never seen him so scared before. You’ve never seen anyone so scared before. He really thinks you’re a mutant alien!

  “Please,” he repeats, sobbing. “I’ll do anything you say. Just don’t hurt me.”

  Your face is too big for him to recognize. Barney has always been so nasty to you that you can’t resist scaring him a little more.

  You lift him even higher, until his toes dangle above the treetops. He kicks and screams even louder.

  “Put me down!” he yells. “Please, please put me down!”

  “Not yet!” you thunder. Then you bring him, squirming and crying, level with your face. “You puny human,” you tell him. “I could smash you like a bug in a second. But I’ll let you live on one condition.”

  Go on to PAGE 119.

  You scoop her up in your palm and hold her close to your face while you explain what happened to you.

  “I’ve seen cases like this before,” she says when you finish. “I think I can help.” She reaches into her robes and pulls out a small, torn brown bag.

  “Take this herbal mixture,” she instructs. “But take only a tiny part of it. The results can be very unpredictable.”

  You take the small bag from her hand and set her on the ground. “Thanks,” you say. You’re about to ask her more when she speaks again.

  “Do as I say,” she tells you. “Now, no more questions. It’s time for my nap.”

  You blink once and she’s gone. You almost think you imagined her. But the tiny brown bag sits in your hand.

  You open it. A strong, spicy scent immediately fills the air. You shake the contents out in your hand. A small pinch of brown-and-green powder falls onto your palm. There’s maybe a teaspoon altogether.

  The fortune teller told you to take a tiny amount of the mixture. But this is a tiny amount. And you’re so big, you don’t see how it can possibly help you.

  Should you eat just part of the mixture? Turn to PAGE 79.

  Or maybe you ought to take the whole thing — try PAGE 125.

  You scurry into the nearby room.

  It’s a broom closet filled with cleaning supplies. Mops and brooms hang on the wall. A pail that seems as big as a car sits on a shelf above your head.

  You hear the janitor’s heavy footsteps approaching.

  “In there!” the woman screams. “I saw it go in there!”

  “Don’t worry,” the janitor’s voice booms. “I’ll take care of it.” He enters the closet.

  You jump up and down, waving your arms. “I’m a kid,” you shout as loud as you can.

  The fat janitor bends down and squints at you. “Hey!” he exclaims. “You’re not a mouse!”

  You let out a huge sigh of relief. Finally! Someone who can help you!

  The janitor picks you up carefully by the collar and brings you close to his face. “I don’t believe my eyes!” he sputters. “You’re a —! You’re a — ”

  You watch the janitor’s huge eyes roll up into his head. Seconds before he faints, he drops you to the ground. Too bad you don’t have enough time to scramble out of the way.

  SPLAT!

  You’ve come to a very

  FLAT END

  You hurry over to Dr. Abbott. You try shouting at him. But he doesn’t hear your feeble, squeaky voice.

  You try pulling on his pants cuff. But all he does is shake his leg, sending you flying under the table.

  How can you make him notice? Then you get a great idea. Moving carefully, you untie the shoelaces on both of his shoes. You’re so small that it’s like untying two jump ropes.

  Now, slowly, carefully, you tie the two laces together. You make a knot. He’s so busy working he doesn’t notice. You scramble out of the way and wait.

  It doesn’t take long.

  Dr. Abbott stands up. He starts to cross the room. BAM! He trips and falls flat on his face.

  “Hey!” he shouts angrily. “Who tied my shoes together?”

  “I did,” you reply. He’s still lying flat on the floor. You stroll over to his head.

  “Who said that?” he demands angrily. “Speak up!”

  “I did it,” you repeat. You’re standing in front of his face. “I’m sorry — I had to get you to notice me.”

  Now he focuses on you. At first he looks surprised. Then he frowns. He suddenly swoops his hand out to swat you.

  Go on to PAGE 51.

  You glance up to see a woman dressed in a silver bathing suit. She’s hanging upside down from a high wire. One end of the wire is caught in your hair!

  “Hey!” she shouts at you. “Get out of my act!”

  “I’m sorry —” you apologize. “I didn’t mean to bother you.” You reach up and untangle the wire from your hair. The crowd goes wild. They’re applauding you. You smile at them and bow.

  “Here comes the owner!” the tiger trainer declares. “You’re in big trouble now!”

  You peer down to see a small, fat man in a clown suit approaching. He has a white face with two huge black eyes and a bright pink nose.

  “I’m sorry,” you stammer, bending over to talk to him. “I didn’t mean to ruin the circus. I only came here —”

  “Ruin it?” the man cuts you off. “Are you kidding? This is the best act we’ve had in years! How did you get so big? How did you get the tigers to like you so much?”

  “I can’t really explain,” you reply. “It all started —”

  “Never mind!” the clown interrupts again. “I want to hire you! When can you start?”

  Think quickly! The circus is a great place to hide out. But do you really want to spend the rest of your life here?

  If you join the circus, turn to PAGE 113.

  If you say no thanks, go to PAGE 118.

  You dive for the can. Excellent! you think. You know what Monster Blood is from reading GOOSEBUMPS. Monster Blood makes things grow. Monster Blood will make you grow.

  You hoist yourself on top of the floating can. You’re sitting on top of the faded label. You brush some mud off and read: MONSTER BLOOD. SURPRISING MIRACLE SUBSTANCE.

  Slowly, you crawl down the can to the lid. The can rocks back and forth in the murky water. You feel as if you’re balancing on a log. The brown water laps over the sides of the can.

  With all your strength, you tug at the lid. It’s wedged tight. You tug and tug.

  You have to get it open. You know the slimy green Monster Blood inside will make you grow.

  You grit y
our teeth and give one final tug. The lid pops off and splashes into the water!

  You reach your hand into the can and feel …

  Go to PAGE 43.

  You’ve got it! You’ll find your aunt at the university. She can get you a doctor’s appointment. Or maybe someone at the college will be able to help you. You race into the den. You search in your aunt’s desk drawer for directions to the university.

  Finally, you find a bus map. There are two buses that seem to go to the university — the number 103 and the number 5. They leave from opposite ends of your block.

  You don’t know which bus is best. You don’t want to wake up Barney and Dora to ask them. They’ve caused you enough trouble already.

  You’ll just have to guess.

  Which bus will you take?

  For the number 103 bus, race over to PAGE 103.

  Or take the number 5 bus on PAGE 5.

  You quickly spin on your heels and sprint toward the kitchen.

  Barney lunges for you. Clumsily, he trips over his own feet and falls on the floor.

  Without stopping, you yank open one of the lower cupboard doors and wriggle inside. You’re so small now that you easily slip in among the pots and pans.

  Barney will never find you here! You hear him stomping into the kitchen just as you pull the cupboard door shut.

  “Where are you?” he demands. “You can’t hide from me forever!”

  Wanna bet, you think.

  You hear him open the door to the pantry, then slam it shut. Luckily, he never got a good look at you. He has no idea that you are now small enough to fit into this little cupboard.

  “Wimp!” Barney hollers. “You’ll have to come out sooner or later!”

  Definitely later, you think.

  You hear the TV click back on. From the sound of it, Barney’s watching a really noisy race-car program. This will be a great time to leave the cupboard. No way he’ll hear you climb out. Smiling, you prepare to climb out of the cupboard.

  But then, a weird and familiar feeling comes over you.

  What is it? Turn to PAGE 72.

  Your problem is that you’re hungry.

  The plane ride to Fiskeville was a long one. All you had to eat was an airline snack of peanuts and a soda. And now you realize that you’re starving.