Weirdo Halloween Read online

“No, I don’t,” I said. “I called you because you’re a sci-fi freak — right?”

  “You mean I’m a geek?”

  “I didn’t say that. You’re an expert. You know stuff. You watch more sci-fi and horror films than any living human. You’re downloading Scrunchers, right? It’s supposed to be the pits!”

  “You think? Worse than Munchers? Did you see Munchers?”

  “Give me a break, Carlos,” I snapped. “I called you because maybe you have an idea for me. You know. How to get rid of an alien. You must have read a book or watched a movie about getting rid of aliens.”

  “Usually, you blast them with laser rays,” Carlos said.

  I groaned again. “Have you got any laser rays handy? Uggggh. I’m going to hang up. Are you going to help me or not?”

  “Let me think …” Carlos replied. “I’ve read some books with this plot.”

  “It’s not a plot,” I said. “It’s my life.”

  I raised my eyes to the empty shelves and the little piles of sawdust on my rug, and I almost cried again.

  “Uh … well …” Carlos was thinking hard, trying to remember. “Maybe if you don’t believe in him, he’ll go away.”

  “That’s lame,” I said. “You’re thinking about Tinkerbell or something. It’s too late for that. I already believe in him. He’s in my room. Ruining my life.”

  Carlos was silent for a long moment. “Well … Meg, you said he’s totally controlled by his feelings, right?”

  “Right,” I said. “He’s always talking about how he’s happy or how he’s unhappy. Always talking about his feelings.”

  “So? What if you totally hurt his feelings?” Carlos said. “You know. Really put him down. Tell him what an ugly little creep he is. Maybe if you really hurt him, he’ll get the hint and scram.”

  I didn’t have to think about that. “No way,” I said. “If I hurt his feelings, he’ll chew me up the way he chewed up my dolls. He’s dangerous, Carlos. Too dangerous to play that kind of mind game. He … he crushed a lightbulb in his hand!”

  “I get it. He’s a bad dude,” Carlos said.

  “I don’t think you’re taking this seriously,” I said.

  “Yes, I am,” Carlos replied. “We’ll think of something, Meg. But what are you going to do in the meantime?”

  I sighed again. “Guess I’m going to be nice to him. You know. Keep him feeling happy. So he doesn’t wreck my whole house. Or hurt me.”

  I heard a scrambling at the open bedroom window. I looked up and saw Bim leap into my room.

  He had brown stains down his chin and down the front of his blue shirt. His tiny raisin eyes glowed as he grinned at me.

  I clicked the phone shut. “You’re back,” I murmured.

  “Yes. Keep Bim happy,” he said. “Good idea. Keep Bim feeling happy. Very nice.”

  “You were listening to what I said on the phone?” I asked.

  “Know how keep Bim feelings happy?” he asked, walking over to me. He was so light, he made no sound when he walked.

  “Keep Bim feelings happy, Megs. Rub Bim’s back again.”

  I blinked. “Excuse me?”

  He started to pull his blue shirt over his head. His orange chest was smooth and hairless and damp with big sweat droplets.

  “Rub Bim’s back again, Megs. Scratch and rub Bim’s back hours and hours. Every day.” He uttered an ugly giggle. It sounded like choking.

  He tossed his shirt onto the bed and turned his back to me.

  His skin still smelled like hot tar. I held my breath.

  I raised my hands. The warts had faded away. If I touched his skin again, would they come back? Would my whole body be blistered with ugly warts?

  “Rub Bim’s back. Rub Bim’s back.” He started to chant, squatting up and down.

  I didn’t have a choice. I lowered my hands to his shoulders.

  Oh, yuck.

  Bim rolled his shoulders and kept squatting up and down as I rubbed his lumpy skin. “My feeling is happy,” he said.

  Then he started to coo like a pigeon. “Coo cooooooo.”

  I shut my eyes and rubbed up and down his back.

  “My feeling is happy,” he repeated. “I feeling so happy, I invite my friends. More Weirdos.”

  “Excuse me?” I cried. I dropped my hands and took a step back. “What did you just say?”

  Bim turned and flashed a toothy grin at me. “I invite my friends here. More and more. They come. They live here. All together. In this house. And all will belong to you, Megs. You and the brother. Forever!”

  I took another step back. “Noooo,” I moaned.

  “Yes,” Bim said, still grinning. “And you will give many, many back rubs. To all Bim’s friends. Many back scratches and rubs all day. And all will be feeling happy.”

  My mouth hung open. I couldn’t hide my horror. The room started to spin. I had to get out of there.

  I turned and ran without saying a word. I ran down the hall and burst into my brother’s room. Chris was on the edge of his bed, hunched over his cell phone, texting someone, I guessed.

  “Okay. Let’s try it!” I said breathlessly.

  He punched a few more keys, then looked up. “Try it? Try what?”

  “Let’s try your idea,” I said, still panting. “Take Bim to a party across town. And lose him there.”

  Chris squinted at me. “You really want to try it?”

  “We have to do something!” I cried.

  We said good night to Penny and stepped out of the house. A strong wind made the trees bend and whisper. Dead leaves clattered down the sidewalk. A long, sad animal howl from somewhere nearby sent a cold shudder to the back of my neck.

  I was back in my vampire costume. My cape fluttered behind me in the wind. I had a silvery mask over my eyes. I kept tasting the thick black lipstick on my mouth.

  Chris couldn’t find both of his Star Trek ears, so he had to come up with another costume. Tonight, he painted his face green and said he was a frog. He wore a green sweater. And that was his whole costume.

  We told Bim he was lucky — he didn’t need a costume. Kids would think he was already dressed up. That made him chuckle for some reason.

  Chris and I kept him between us as we made our way to the bus stop. He had to keep his little legs churning fast to keep up with us. He kept glancing all around, and his antennae stood straight up.

  “Bim, are you excited?” I asked. “You’re going to your first Halloween party.”

  “There will be living meat?” Bim replied.

  “Oh, wow. You’re hungry?” Chris said.

  Bim nodded. “Living meat. Bim needs living meat at a party.”

  “Sure. No problem,” I said. “You can have all the living meat you can eat.”

  He laughed. “Bim’s feeling is happy.”

  Chris and I kept to the plan. We took the city bus downtown. Then we transferred to another bus and rode it back to our neighborhood.

  No one on the buses paid any attention to Bim. One of the drivers told him what an awesome costume he was wearing.

  “Bim going have living meat,” Bim told the driver.

  The driver just laughed.

  We climbed off the second bus and walked for blocks in one direction. It was a neighborhood of dark old houses. The wind blew over a garbage can. The metal lid clanged on the sidewalk as it bounced past us.

  We turned and circled back. We passed the same dark houses two or three times. Then we walked into Madison Park and crossed back and forth through its winding paths.

  “Living meat. Living meat,” Bim said, breathing hard. I think this was a lot of walking for the little creature. “Where is party?”

  “It’s far away,” Chris said. “But we’re almost there.”

  We pulled him into the Metro and took it across town. Then we zigzagged down street after street.

  Chris may be right, I thought. Bim will never find his way back after this. Even I am lost!

  Finally, we stopped outside a ho
use where a big Halloween party was taking place. It was an enormous house hidden by tall hedges. The hedges were decorated with orange pumpkin lights. Creepy music played across the wide front lawn.

  Cars jammed the long driveway. Two scarecrows guarded the curving walk to the front door. The door was covered in thick cobwebs.

  We heard laughter and loud voices inside. Through the tall front windows, I could see a big crowd of people in costumes.

  We walked Bim into the house. No one stopped us.

  The roar of voices and music made his antennae shoot straight up. He staggered back a step. “This is party?” he asked.

  I nodded. “Yes. This is a party. Lots of people talking and dancing and having fun.”

  “And they eat living meat?” Bim asked.

  “Yes. Lots of living meat,” Chris said.

  Chris and I led the way through the big front room. The lights were down low. Jack-o’-lanterns along the wall gave only flickering light.

  This party was perfect for losing Bim.

  After a few minutes, I felt Chris tug my arm. “Quick. Let’s run,” he said into my ear. “Look.”

  He pointed. I squinted hard into the dim, dancing light. I saw Bim at the far wall. He was talking to two girls in silvery robot costumes.

  “Perfect,” I whispered.

  We squeezed through the crowd, heading to the front door. I glanced back a few times. Bim didn’t see us. He was talking intensely with the space-robot girls.

  Chris and I dove out the front door and tore down the front lawn. I stopped at the tall hedges and gazed back one last time. No sign of Bim.

  “We did it,” Chris whispered. “I knew my plan would work.”

  “We’ll see,” I said. My heart was still fluttering in my chest.

  What would Bim do when he realized Chris and I had left him there?

  Would he follow some other kid home?

  Would he realize he wasn’t wanted and fly back to his own planet?

  We took a bus back to our neighborhood. Chris was laughing and singing to himself. I stayed silent. I had my fingers crossed on both hands, wishing we’d never see the horrible alien again.

  We climbed off the bus and walked the six blocks home. Chris was jumping around, doing a crazy dance.

  “I’m a genius,” he sang. “Admit it, Megs.”

  “Don’t call me Megs!” I snapped.

  “Admit it,” he repeated. “I’m a genius.”

  I stopped and uttered a soft cry. I grabbed Chris and pointed.

  “Okay, genius,” I said. “Who’s that standing at our front door?”

  Not Bim. A clown and a two-headed alien.

  Kelly and Carlos.

  Kelly had changed her costume from the night of the party. But I recognized her face behind the white face paint.

  They both came running up to Chris and me. Carlos’s two heads bobbed crazily as he ran. “Where were you?” he called.

  “I thought we had a plan to trick-or-treat,” Kelly said.

  I let out a sigh. “Oh, wow. I completely forgot we were meeting you. It’s a long story,” I said.

  “Carlos has been telling me one of his crazy sci-fi stories,” Kelly said. “About a space alien that lands in our neighborhood.”

  “It’s not a crazy story,” I said. “Come inside and we’ll tell you what’s been going on.”

  I led them around the back, and we went in the kitchen door. I didn’t hear the TV on. I guessed Penny was in her room.

  I tore off my cape and dropped it onto a kitchen chair.

  “Come up to my room,” I said. “I don’t want to disturb Penny.”

  “Got any Halloween candy?” Carlos asked. “I could use a Snickers bar.”

  “How can you think about candy when my whole life could be ruined?” I said.

  “I always think about candy,” Carlos replied.

  He tugged off his two heads and tucked them under his arm. I led the way up the stairs to my room.

  “Whoa. Hold on,” Carlos said. “I’m not going up there if that disgusting little alien is still there.”

  “Alien?” Kelly asked, squinting at me. “You mean he’s real?”

  “We got rid of him,” Chris said. “It wasn’t easy, but we did it. That’s why we weren’t home when you arrived.”

  “You got rid of him? How?” Carlos asked.

  I pulled open the door to my room — and screamed.

  Bim stood next to my computer, an angry scowl on his orange face.

  I felt my heart skip a beat. “How did you get here?” I shouted.

  Chris, Kelly, and Carlos crowded into the doorway.

  “Bim has Weirdo Tracking,” he said. His raisin eyes glowed a dark blue. His antennae were spinning wildly on top of his head. “All Weirdos got Weirdo Tracking. Here.” He pointed to his belly.

  I took a few steps into the room. Chris and our friends hung back in the doorway.

  Bim patted his belly. “Bim never get lost with Weirdo Tracking. Go anywhere in universe.”

  I glanced at Chris. He was shaking his head. I’d told him his party plan was lame. Now I knew we were in major trouble.

  “My feeling unhappy!” Bim growled. “My feeling ANGRY!”

  He scrunched his face tight and started to change. He made sick grunting sounds as his body inflated like a balloon. As I froze in horror, he grew to twice his size.

  Once again, his orange skin darkened to red. His tiny eyes bulged to the size of Ping-Pong balls. And pointed yellow fangs, covered in drool, slid down from his gums.

  “Oh, no!” I heard Kelly cry from the doorway. “This is getting too scary!”

  Bim opened his mouth in a windy roar. “Why you lose your friend Bim?” he demanded.

  Gobs of thick, yellow slime dripped from his fangs onto my carpet. His antennae stood straight and stiff.

  “Why leave Bim at party?” he roared. “It makes my feeling sad. Sad and angry.”

  “Well … uh …” I stammered.

  What could I say? I couldn’t think of a reply.

  Bim lowered his big round head — and smashed it through my computer monitor.

  The shattering glass sounded like a car crash. Glass flew over my desk and rained onto the carpet.

  Kelly screamed.

  “I’m outta here!” Carlos cried. But he didn’t move. He just stood there staring at the angry space alien.

  Drool ran down Bim’s chin. His chest heaved up and down. He had glittering shards of glass stuck in his forehead.

  “My feeling is angry,” he grunted. A frightening, ugly voice. “My feeling is so ANGRY!”

  “Bim — please!” I cried.

  He dove across the room to my bedroom window. Lowered his head like a battering ram — and butted it through the glass!

  Another deafening crash.

  Bim staggered back.

  I pressed my hands to my mouth and gaped at the jagged hole in the windowpane.

  My legs suddenly felt wobbly and weak. A wave of dizziness rolled over me. I sank onto the side of the bed.

  This isn’t happening!

  CRASH!

  “Stop it! Stop it! Stop it now!” Chris was screaming.

  Bim smashed his head into the wall. The wallpaper tore away. He made a huge hole in the plaster.

  “Bim, please —” I moaned. “Please …”

  His face was a violent red. His glowing eyes bulged and spun. His chest rose up under the blue T-shirt. He was breathing hard, making loud wheezing sounds with each breath.

  I screamed as he spun his arms like a windmill. He leaped at my dresser — and smashed his head through the mirror.

  “Oh, stop him!” I screamed, tearing at my hair. “Somebody — stop him! Before he destroys everything!”

  But no one moved.

  We were all too terrified.

  And then I let out a cry as I saw Penny shuffle into the doorway. She squinted around the room through her thick glasses.

  And then she demanded, “What’s a
ll the racket, kids?”

  Penny’s mouth dropped open as the room came into focus. I could see the confusion on her face. She gripped the front of her long housedress.

  Chris, Kelly, and Carlos stepped aside as Penny moved into the room.

  She blinked several times. Then she pointed to my dresser mirror. “Is that mirror broken?”

  Bim paid no attention to her. He let out a roar and charged across the room. He butted his head through the other bedroom window.

  The window shattered with a clatter of glass. Shards flew everywhere. I could hear big pieces sliding down the side of the house and crashing to the ground.

  Penny raised her fists in the air. “Stop it! Stop it, you fool!” she screamed in a hoarse, high voice. “Stop it — you crazy fool!”

  I held my breath as Bim stopped. He turned around. He studied Penny, his eyes moving up and down.

  “You stupid idiot!” Penny shrieked, waving her fists. “Look what you’ve done to this room! Are you crazy? You total idiot!”

  Bim took a step back. His antennae wilted on top of his head. He appeared to deflate. His shoulders hunched.

  “Look. It’s making him small again,” Carlos said. “Keep it up. It’s working.”

  “He goes by his feelings,” I said. “So maybe insults make him feel small and helpless.”

  “Bim — you’re stupid and ugly!” Chris shouted.

  Bim opened his mouth in a soft cry. His head lowered.

  “You’re a total jerk!” I screamed. “A geekfaced jerk!”

  “And you smell bad!” Kelly joined in.

  Bim shrunk some more, like a balloon losing its air.

  “Your skin feels disgusting and gross!” I shouted. “You stink and you grunt like a pig!”

  Bim appeared to fold in on himself, like an accordion closing. He shrunk some more. His whole body started to quiver.

  “My feelings are small,” he said in a tiny, babyish voice. “You make Bim feel small.”

  He clasped his hands in front of him. He kept his head lowered as he shrunk back to his normal size.

  “Keep it up!” Kelly said. “Keep it up!”

  “You’re the ugliest beast I’ve ever seen!” Carlos shouted.

  “And your breath stinks!” Chris added.

  “You’re stupid and you smell like puke, and everybody hates you!” Kelly chimed in.