How to Be a Vampire Read online

  “A hole?” Andrew couldn’t believe his ears.

  “Find a stick to dig with,” the vampire said. “The earth offers protection. We vampires need to be close to the earth.”

  “I can’t sleep in a hole!” Andrew protested. “I’ll smother!”

  “Oh, you and your human needs.” The vampire gave him a disgusted glance. “I don’t have time to argue. Go on home. I’ll come for you tomorrow night, kid.”

  Andrew stared as the vampire’s black cape swirled around him. It seemed to swallow him. And then the cape vanished and a large black bat appeared. It flapped its wings, rising ever higher. Andrew watched until the bat disappeared.

  Now the sky was filled with pink light. Andrew guessed it was nearly dawn. Good. Nobody would be around. Nobody would see him running home in his pajamas!

  Andrew hurried through the woods. The first rays of sunlight stung his skin. He darted for the shade of a large oak tree. From there he ran to another patch of shade. And another. All the long way home Andrew kept to the shadows.

  At last he reached his house. He felt under the doormat for the spare key and quietly unlocked the door. He tiptoed up the stairs. His mom and Emily were still asleep. A glance at his clock told him why. It was only six o’clock in the morning!

  Andrew checked his face in the bathroom mirror. He’d turned bright red. His freckles were fried! His skin stung. He put on some of his mom’s after-sun lotion. But it didn’t help much.

  Andrew went back to his bedroom and flopped down on his bed. He felt totally wiped out. What a night!

  He lay there. But he couldn’t sleep. Andrew rolled over on his back. He didn’t have fangs yet. That was a good sign. The vampire wouldn’t try to make him drink human blood until his fangs grew in. Maybe they’d never grow in. Maybe he’d never become a real vampire. Maybe.

  Anyway, T.J. would know how to undo a vampire bite. He knew everything about vampires. T.J. was his only hope!

  Andrew’s eyes closed. His thoughts spun inside his head as sleep took him.

  He woke with a jolt. Something was wrong. He felt dizzy and sick. His mouth was killing him.

  Andrew ran to the bathroom.

  He looked in the mirror.

  His face was still red.

  Then he opened his mouth and screamed.

  15

  Fangs!

  Andrew stared at his mouth in horror.

  He was growing fangs!

  No. He wasn’t growing fangs. He’d already grown them! They sprouted from his gums over his eyeteeth. They were long and white and pointy.

  Andrew put a finger to the tip of one. It was needle sharp.

  He turned and ran down the hall to his sister’s room.

  “Emily!” He shook her. “Emily, wake up!”

  “It’s Saturday, you moron,” Emily murmured. “Go away.”

  “Emily!” Andrew shook harder. “I’m a vampire, Em! A real vampire. You have to help me!”

  Emily’s voice grew louder with each word as she said, “I am so sick of your vampire jokes, I could scream!”

  “This is no joke. I need help,” Andrew begged. “Please!”

  Emily put her pillow over her head.

  But Andrew talked anyway. He told her everything. About the night before. About the old vampire coming to his room. About jumping out the window. About turning into a bat and flying.

  Every once in a while he poked the pillow. “Are you listening?” he asked.

  Emily nodded.

  When he finished, Andrew pulled the pillow off Emily’s head.

  “It was a nightmare,” Emily muttered, her eyes still closed.

  “Open your stupid eyes, Emily,” Andrew said.

  “Promise you’ll go away then?” Emily asked.

  “Fine,” Andrew said. “I’ll leave. Just look.”

  With a sigh, Emily slowly opened her eyes.

  “How do you explain these?” Andrew asked. Then he drew his upper lip away from his teeth, showing his vampire fangs.

  “Simple.” Emily reached out and grabbed the fangs. She tried to pull them out of Andrew’s mouth.

  Andrew let her try. He wished she could pull his fangs out!

  At last she stopped. She narrowed her eyes. “Okay, what did you do?” she asked him. “Use Super Glue?”

  Andrew shook his head. “They’re real, Emily. Real fangs.”

  Emily climbed out of bed. “Come over to the window, where the light’s better,” she said. “Let me take another look.”

  Andrew let her.

  At last she stepped back. She put a hand over her mouth. Her eyes were wide.

  “Help me, Em!” Andrew pleaded. “What am I going to do?”

  “You are disgusting!” she yelled at him.

  “What?” Andrew couldn’t believe he’d heard her.

  “How could you do this to me?” Emily cried. “How am I supposed to explain this to my friends?”

  “Your friends?” Andrew cried. “Who cares about your stupid friends? What about me? I’m the one turning into a vampire!”

  Andrew turned and stomped angrily out of his sister’s room. What a big help she was! If he did become a vampire, he promised himself to make her life totally miserable!

  Andrew dove for his phone and punched in T.J.’s number.

  “T.J.?” Andrew said when his friend picked up the phone. “It’s happened.”

  * * *

  Andrew headed for the basement. Maybe sunlight wouldn’t kill him yet. But he wasn’t taking any chances. The basement had only two small windows. He taped black construction paper over them. Then he pulled the chain to turn on the bare bulb that hung from the ceiling. It gave enough light.

  A little before eight, Andrew heard T.J. knock. He heard Emily open the front door. Then T.J. came quietly down the basement steps carrying an armload of books.

  “I brought my whole collection.” T.J. sounded excited. “All my vampire books. I brought them over in my little sister’s wagon.” He put his books down on the table. “So . . . show me.”

  Andrew bared his fangs.

  “Awesome!” T.J. exclaimed. “Totally awesome! You have to make me your first victim! Promise?”

  “Sorry,” Andrew said. “But you’re here to unvampire me, remember? When you do that, I won’t be able to bite your neck.”

  “What a waste,” T.J. muttered. Then he dashed upstairs to get the rest of his vampire library.

  When he came back, Andrew said, “Being a vampire isn’t fun, T.J. It’s horrible!”

  Andrew told T.J. about the old vampire’s visit the night before. T.J.’s eyes grew wider with every detail.

  “And last night,” Andrew said, “the vampire started teaching me to hunt.”

  “Cool,” T.J. said.

  “It isn’t!” Andrew yelled. “That’s what I keep trying to tell you! I caught this cute little furry bunny. I actually wanted to bite its neck and . . .”

  “Drink its blood?” T.J. finished for him.

  Andrew only nodded.

  “Hmm. I guess vampires-in-training have to sort of work their way up the food chain,” T.J. commented.

  “But I don’t want to!” Andrew almost shouted. “I want to eat pizza and French fries and ice cream. And I want to drink lemonade and milk shakes and soda.”

  “But what about tombato juice?” T.J. joked.

  “This isn’t funny!” Andrew insisted. He sighed. “Come on. Let’s hit the books. We have to figure out a way to stop me from turning into a vampire!”

  “Andrew?” Emily stood at the bottom of the basement stairs. “I’ve decided to help you.”

  “Don’t do me any big favors,” Andrew said.

  “I’m not,” Emily said matter-of-factly. “It’s for me. You think I want to be known as the girl with the vampire brother?”

  “Here.” T.J. handed Emily An Introduction to Vampires. “This will tell you the basic stuff.”

  Emily made herself a comfortable seat on some crates. Soon she was twi
sting her pearl necklace around her finger, the way she always did when she was lost in a book.

  T.J. searched through the most advanced books.

  Andrew flipped through book after book. He couldn’t seem to find anything remotely helpful.

  Two hours later, they were still at it.

  Andrew shook his head. “This book tells lots of ways for a human to turn into a vampire,” he said. “But there’s nothing about vampires turning back into humans.”

  He turned to his sister. “Have you found anything?”

  “Lots of stuff,” Emily said eagerly. “Did you know that if a vampire bites a victim too many times, the victim turns into a werewolf?”

  “Emily!” Andrew cried. “This isn’t some trivia game! It’s a matter of life and death! Stick to vampires!”

  “Sorry,” Emily muttered. “But this stuff is interesting.”

  “Only if it’s not happening to you,” Andrew snapped.

  “Right.” Emily nodded. “Okay. I read about how vampires hate garlic and mustard seeds. How they hypnotize their victims. How, when they see lots of little things, they can’t resist counting them. How they get confused at a crossroads. How they don’t reflect in mirrors . . .”

  “Hey, I can still see myself in the mirror,” Andrew said. “So I’m not a vampire yet. So maybe there’s a way to reverse it!”

  The three turned back to their books.

  At last Emily said, “This book says vampires can’t break into a house. They have to be invited in by their victims.”

  “But only the first time,” T.J. put in. “After that they can come and go whenever they want.”

  “Maybe we can get the vampire who bit you on a technicality,” Emily suggested. “Did you invite him in, Andrew?”

  Andrew frowned, trying to remember. The vampire had appeared to him the first time in a dream. He knocked on the window. In the dream, Andrew got out of bed and opened the window for him.

  “Maybe I did,” Andrew said at last. “I thought I was dreaming. But maybe I wasn’t.”

  T.J. slammed a large red book. “There’s nothing new in any of these,” he said. “There is just the one, classic way to stop you from turning into a vampire.”

  “What?” Andrew said. “I’ll do anything.”

  T.J. looked into Andrew’s eyes. “You have to destroy the vampire who made you a vampire.”

  “Destroy him?” Andrew’s voice squeaked up on the words. “But, T.J.! He’s—he’s scary! He’s a vampire! I’d have to . . .”

  Andrew couldn’t put the awful thought into words.

  “You have to do three things,” T.J. told him. “You have to drive a stake through his heart. Then you have to cut off his head. And then you have to stuff his mouth with garlic.”

  Andrew didn’t want to be a vampire.

  But he couldn’t do any of that horrible stuff!

  Or . . . could he?

  16

  Andrew hung upside down in his closet that night. He didn’t know what would happen. But he’d done everything possible to prepare for the night ahead. He was ready. At least that’s what he kept telling himself. Over and over and over.

  He tried to sleep. He knew he needed his rest. But his mind kept spinning. What if our plan doesn’t work?

  When the old vampire threw open his closet door, Andrew gasped. He’d been expecting it. But he wasn’t ready.

  Count Ved stood staring at him. His eyes glowed red. His skin was as pale as the full moon.

  Without a word, Andrew tossed off his quilt. He hopped down from his clothes rod. He did this with ease now. He was getting used to it.

  Andrew glanced at his watch. It was hours until morning. He had to keep careful track of time.

  “So, you left your hole.” The vampire grinned. “Don’t worry, kid. Soon you’ll like it underground. Now, open your mouth.”

  Andrew slowly drew back his upper lip.

  “Humph.” The vampire shook his head. “Nothing yet.”

  Nothing? Andrew ran his tongue along his gums. Hey! His fangs were gone! Maybe he was becoming less of a vampire already!

  The vampire sensed Andrew’s surprise. His eyes narrowed. “Remember the heartbeat?” he asked. “The tender little rabbit?”

  Andrew pictured the rabbit. As he did, his fangs slid down.

  Oh, no! Andrew thought. They’re back! And he knows it!

  Count Ved broke into a smile. “Congratulations, kid!” he said. “This calls for a change of plans.”

  “You . . . you mean I have to hunt humans?” Andrew stammered.

  The vampire nodded. “The first one is delicious!”

  Andrew swallowed. He had to stay calm. He had to stay in control. If he didn’t, the plan would never work.

  Andrew glanced at his watch again. The plan had him getting to the Cameron mansion at four-thirty. He had to stall for time.

  “I have a question,” Andrew said. “Is it true that vampires can change the weather? Can you make it snow?”

  “Of course,” the vampire told him. “Snow is child’s play.”

  “Let’s see you do it,” Andrew said. “Right now.”

  The vampire shrugged. He walked over to the window.

  Andrew followed him.

  Count Ved seemed only to stare out into the night. But soon Andrew saw small white flakes drifting down from the sky. More flakes tumbled down, thicker and faster. Soon a carpet of white lay on the grass below.

  “Cool effect,” Andrew told the vampire. “How about a thunderstorm? With lightning and thunder?”

  “What, snow isn’t enough for you?” The vampire scowled.

  Andrew shrugged. “It’s okay. If you can’t do it . . .”

  “Of course I can!” the vampire replied. Again he turned and stared outside.

  After a while, the snowflakes grew thick and wet. They turned to raindrops. A strong wind came up. Thunder rumbled in the distance. Andrew saw lightning flash across the sky.

  “Wow! We should tune in to the weather channel,” Andrew told the vampire. “See what they make of all this. I bet it’s never snowed at this time of—”

  “Quiet!” the vampire ordered. “What’s with you tonight, kid? You’re babbling like an idiot!”

  “Sorry!” Andrew shrugged. “I guess I’m just excited about—you know—being a vampire.”

  “You are not a vampire!” the vampire corrected him sharply. “Not yet. You’re still a vampire-in-training.”

  “You mean there’s a chance I won’t make it?” Andrew asked, his hope starting to build. “You mean I might flunk vampiring?”

  “No,” the vampire said. “No one who’s started down this path has ever failed. No one has turned back.”

  “No one?” Andrew’s hope dimmed. “Ever?”

  “Never,” the vampire replied. “See, kid? You’ll make it.”

  Andrew’s heart sank.

  “Time to go,” the vampire said. “Ready to change into a bat?”

  “I don’t know.” Andrew shrugged. “We did bats last night. How about turning us into red mists tonight?”

  “I could,” the vampire told him.

  “And then how about turning us into wolves?” Andrew asked. “Oh, man! I’d love to run around Shadyside as a wolf.”

  “Wolves and mists. No big deal.” The vampire shrugged. “But they’re only ways to travel. The main thing is the feeding.”

  “I know,” Andrew said. “But it’s not even two o’clock yet. We have the whole night to . . . feed. Come on. Make me a mist!”

  “All right, kid. All right,” the vampire said. “But only a small one. Mists are tricky.”

  For a minute, Andrew didn’t feel anything. And then he began to shake. He teeth chattered. His fingers trembled. But he didn’t feel cold. He felt warmer and warmer. Then hot. A red-hot mist!

  Andrew couldn’t see exactly. But he felt everything. He was everywhere in his room at once. He pulled himself together and drifted toward the window.

  “Oh, n
o, you don’t!” the vampire’s voice warned him. “Stay in here. I don’t want you getting blown to the south pole!”

  Andrew drifted away from the window. He floated slowly out the door of his room and down the hallway. The door to Emily’s room was shut. But so what? Andrew the mist slid easily through the tiny space between the door and the door frame. Nothing to it! He filled Emily’s room and then slipped back out the way he had come in.

  The vampire waited for him at the doorway to his own room.

  Andrew slid past him. He hovered over his bed. Before he realized what had happened, he was sitting on his bed, shivering.

  “That was totally awesome,” Andrew told the vampire.

  “Right,” the vampire agreed. “And useful, too, if anyone slams the door in your face.”

  “How about changing me into a wolf?” Andrew asked.

  “Not now,” the vampire told him. “I have to get started with your lesson, kid. Tonight you’re going to track your first human prey. Humans are trickier than rabbits.” The vampire leaned closer to Andrew. “But much tastier. They’re worth the trouble.”

  The village clock chimed three as the vampire began hunting lesson number two. He explained how to listen for a human heartbeat. How to follow it. How to hypnotize a victim. How to find the juicy artery that runs along the side of the neck.

  “Now,” the vampire said when he had finished, “have you got all that, kid?”

  “I’m not sure,” Andrew said. “Could you go over the stalking part again?”

  The vampire sighed. Then he repeated the stalking instructions. “Now have you got it?” the vampire asked him.

  Andrew nodded. “I think so.”

  He needed to stall only a little more.

  “And I know who I want for my first victim,” Andrew went on. “See, there’s this kid who gives me a hard time in art class. Once he pushed my face down in a bunch of wet plaster, and he held me down for so long, I practically smothered. Finally our art teacher came over and pulled my head out, and—”

  “Stop!” the vampire cried. “I don’t care about your puny human activities! We have to get on with our hunt!”

  “Right,” Andrew agreed. “Anyway, I know where to find this boy. Some kids dared him to spend the night at the Cameron mansion.”