Please Don't Feed the Vampire! Read online

  “GRRRRR! RUFFF! RUFFF!”

  Fifi snarls and barks at you, baring her teeth.

  “Oh, no!” you cry. You can’t believe what you’re seeing. “She’s growing fangs!”

  Try to control your dog on PAGE 95.

  All heads in the room turn toward you.

  “Welcome,” a woman calls out. She’s wearing a long red velvet gown. “We’ve been expecting you.”

  Everyone smiles at you. Their fangs glisten.

  You can’t speak. Can’t run. Can’t do anything except take in the horrible scene.

  The room is stuffed with coffins, candelabras, and vampires. Some of them are lounging in their coffins, reading magazines and newspapers. A few hang upside down from the rafters, like bats.

  “How lovely of you to join us,” the woman coos. “I’m Countess Yvonne. Won’t you come in and have something to drink?”

  She sweeps her arm toward a huge stone table. On it are silver goblets filled with a red liquid.

  “No, thanks,” you say. “Where’s Gabe? What have you done with him?”

  “We’ll answer all your questions,” Countess Yvonne replies. “But first — have one drink.”

  If you drink the red liquid, turn to PAGE 49.

  If you refuse, turn to PAGE 5.

  I’m such a loser vampire, you think.

  You stumble from Mrs. Winesap’s house and walk aimlessly. In a daze.

  When you look up, you find you’ve entered a cemetery!

  And you’re standing next to an open grave.

  You peer in. The grave is empty.

  CRACK!

  You hear a sound behind you.

  Something tells you to get out of there — fast.

  But the empty grave pulls you to it. Graves. They seem so cozy. So comforting. So homey.

  The footsteps come closer.

  Make a choice before it’s too late. Quick!

  If you hide in the open grave, turn to PAGE 61.

  If you stay and face whoever is coming, turn to PAGE 29.

  You touch the bite marks on your neck.

  “Does that hurt?” Gabe asks.

  You shrug. “Not much. I wonder where Fifi went? Oh, well. She’ll probably come home later tonight. Before sunrise.”

  Gabe gives you a strange look. “I’m going back to my house now,” he says nervously.

  If you didn’t know better, you’d swear Gabe was afraid of you. Heh, heh!

  “So I’ll see you on Saturday night? For Halloween?” he asks.

  You grin, letting your fangs show. Then you reach for Gabe.

  “Nope,” you say. “For you, Halloween is starting right now!”

  THE END

  You gaze at Gabe’s neck as if it were a tasty milk shake. “I need some liquid refreshment,” you say, drooling.

  “Get away from me!” he shrieks, taking off.

  You run after him and corner him in the kitchen.

  “I know what’ll stop a vampire,” he wheezes. He reaches into the freezer and pulls out …

  A steak! Gabe rams the frozen filet mignon into your chest.

  “You need a stake to kill a vampire,” you snarl. “That’s S-T-A-K-E, dope.” You reach for his neck again.

  Gabe yanks out his bubblegum and jams it into your mouth. Smart move! By the time you unstick the gum from your fangs, you’ve come to your senses.

  “Sorry, Gabe,” you say. “I lost my head.”

  He accepts your apology. But you can see he still doesn’t trust you. Not completely.

  You bury your face in your hands. “What am I going to do? I’m a vampire! A cruddy, bloodsucking vampire!”

  Turn to PAGE 99.

  “Sit down and relax!” Gabe shouts.

  He pulls you back down on the couch.

  “What are you doing?” he demands.

  “Uh … I was … uh, trying to turn into a bat and fly out of here,” you admit sheepishly.

  “Oh, man.” Gabe shakes his head. “We’re in deep trouble.”

  He picks up the remote and turns off the movie.

  “Okay,” he announces. “Obviously this movie thing isn’t working.”

  “You’re right,” you agree. “So now what?”

  “Now you pick one of the other ideas I came up with,” he says matter-of-factly.

  He’s right. You hate it when he’s right.

  Go back to PAGE 116 and pick again from the choices at the bottom of the page.

  As you round the corner of the factory, you see a huge garage door. You both try to slide the door up. But it’s locked.

  “Forget it,” Gabe orders. “Let’s use the front door. Like regular human beings.”

  You start to follow your friend.

  But all of a sudden you feel a new sensation. You’re changing again — from deep inside.

  A moment later, you have the strongest urge to fold your arms across your chest, like a bat. Something tells you that if you do, you’ll be able to fly!

  “Use the front door — like human beings?” You repeat Gabe’s words. “But what if I’m not human?”

  Gabe grabs your arm. “You’re my best fiend — er, friend. I know you’re human,” he insists. “Come on.”

  If you go with Gabe, turn to PAGE 12.

  If you try to become a bat, turn to PAGE 129.

  “You killed my best friend!” you scream at Mr. Reuterly.

  “He’s not dead,” Mr. Reuterly answers calmly. “He’s just — changing. Into one of us.”

  “What’s happening?” a voice calls from inside the house. You glance up and see Robbie at the front door.

  Mr. Reuterly grabs Robbie and drains his blood. Then he drops Robbie on the doorstep beside Gabe.

  “Aaah.” Reuterly sighs. “Well, I’m off. I think I’ll walk — I always have trouble flying after a heavy meal.” He waves. “See ya, kid.”

  You gaze into Gabe’s eyes and watch his last flicker of humanity fading. “What are you doing at Robbie’s house?” you ask.

  “I came to warn him,” Gabe answers. “About you.”

  Just then a car pulls into the driveway. Oh, no. Robbie’s parents are home!

  If you think you can talk your way out of this, turn to PAGE 108.

  If you’d rather not try, run to PAGE 23.

  You ignore Gabe’s warning.

  “I have to go,” you tell him as you start walking. “You don’t understand. I don’t want to be a vampire!”

  “Okay,” Gabe answers. “Then I’m coming with you.”

  An hour later you’re in a deserted part of town. An old brick factory stands at 999 Sanguine Road.

  The whole building is dark. On the front door is a sign reading, OFFICE. RING BELL.

  “Whoa!” Gabe cries. “Check out the bats!”

  Overhead, dozens of tiny bats circle wildly. They fly into a high, open window at the back of the factory.

  You feel drawn to them. Strange. The only other bat you’ve ever been attached to was your old Louisville Slugger.

  “We should follow the bats,” you say. “Let’s check if we can get in around the back.”

  “No,” Gabe begs. “Let’s ring the front bell.”

  If you follow the bats, turn to PAGE 44.

  If you go to the front door, turn to PAGE 12.

  Oops. It’s too late. You’re so weak and tired, you turned the pages too slowly.

  Which means that you’re much too weak to pull Carrie away from your dad.

  Helplessly, you watch her drain the life out of him. When she’s done, she drops his body on the pavement.

  “Carrie!” you cry as you slump against a car, unable to stand any longer. “What …?”

  “Vampire in a Can,” Carrie answers, guessing your question. “I bought it from Scary Stuff. Just like you.”

  “But — but — do you like being a vampire?” you ask.

  “Hel-lo! I’m going to stay young and pretty forever,” she replies. “Can anything be more awesome?”

  She op
ens a compact. Then she rolls her eyes. “I forgot. I can’t see myself in the mirror. Do I have any blood on my face?”

  You numbly point to the corner of her mouth.

  “Thanks,” she murmurs, and wipes away a smear of blood with a tissue. “For sure I won’t be seeing you at school anymore — unless they start offering night classes!”

  Turn to PAGE 98.

  In a panic, you decide to try for the house.

  “YIP! BARK! WOOF!”

  The dogs are at your heels again as you race toward the sliding-glass doors.

  Uh-oh. Locked!

  Well, this looks like the wrong choice.

  But if you hurry, maybe you can still make it to the garage.

  Hurry to PAGE 137.

  Dad drags you to his dental office late at night.

  While you sit in the dentist’s chair, he works on your fangs. First he grinds them down. Then he puts braces on your teeth. By the time he’s done, your mouth is so full of metal, you can hardly talk.

  “Now, those ‘fangs,’ as you call them, shouldn’t bother you anymore,” your dad declares.

  “Ohshf? Rreaphly?” you say.

  One thing hasn’t changed, though. Your thirst.

  Your whole body feels weak. Weak from the thirst that only blood will satisfy.

  If I don’t get blood, I’ll die, you think.

  You eye your dad’s neck, and start to drool. The urge to bite him is so strong, you can hardly resist.

  Do you dare to puncture Pop?

  If you bite your dad, turn to PAGE 130.

  If you wait to bite the first person you see who isn’t a family member, turn to PAGE 106.

  Fifi snarls at you viciously. Her lips curl back, exposing new, curved fangs. They’re at least twice as long as they used to be — and razor-sharp.

  Like a vampire’s.

  Fifi lunges at you. You back up, shocked. Your own dog is attacking you!

  With her weight, Fifi easily knocks you down. For an instant, you’re sure she’s going to bite your neck.

  You roll away from her, cowering.

  “HOWWWWWWL!”

  Her howling moan sounds crazy. She leaps at the kitchen door one more time. This time she breaks it down!

  “S-S-Stop her!” Gabe stutters.

  You’re so shaken, you stand there for a second.

  Then you grab Fifi’s leash. “Come on!” you shout, snapping out of it. “We’ve got to get her back.”

  But just as you start to leave, the phone rings.

  If you answer the phone, turn to PAGE 15.

  If you let it ring and run after Fifi, turn to PAGE 41.

  “Hey, parrot!” you shout. “Polly want a cracker?”

  “Cracker?” the parrot squawks. “I want your blood!”

  “Hold on!” you cry. “How’d you get to be a vampire?”

  “Oh!” The parrot lands on the back of a chair. “That’s a long story,” it says.

  “Give me the short version,” you answer. “I don’t have all day.”

  “You’ve got a lot less time than you think,” the parrot snaps. “Anyway. It was like this: Mrs. Weniger’s son, Jeremy, came into the store last night with this dog. With fangs. The next thing you know, the dog was running around, biting all of us. Every single animal in the shop. Can you believe it?”

  “Yes,” you say impatiently. “Go on.”

  You wish you hadn’t asked. Because the story gets worse.

  Much worse.

  Turn to PAGE 125.

  “Yeoowww!” your dad screams. “Are you crazy, you little brat?”

  He stands up so fast, he pulls you out of the dentist’s chair. You stumble backward. Horror washes over you.

  You tried to suck your dad’s blood! Gross! That never happens! Not even in the cheesiest horror movies.

  You stare at his neck. Wait! It’s scratched up, but he’s not bleeding.

  Your braces got in the way. And your fangs are no longer sharp enough to puncture his skin.

  “I’m … I’m sorry!” you cry.

  Your dad looks angry. Worse than when you put tinfoil in the microwave.

  You run out of the office. This is like being in a weird GOOSEBUMPS book, you think. The kind that sends you chasing in circles. Maybe I’m just having a bad dream.

  Unfortunately for you, this is real.

  Turn to PAGE 82.

  Carrie glides away. Weak beyond belief, you slide to the ground. Consciousness fades.

  The good news is that you aren’t really dead. Vampires can live forever in this weakened state.

  The bad news is that you’re declared legally dead, anyway. So your mom has you cremated.

  After you’ve been burned to ashes, the undertaker saves your fangs. “These will be perfect for my son’s Halloween vampire costume!” he says happily.

  THE END

  Gabe starts pacing around the room.

  “The way I see it, you’ve got three choices,” he begins.

  “Choice number one: Go back to where you bought this stupid costume, and ask the Eyeball Man to help. It’s his fault you’re a vampire, right? He sold it to you.”

  “Maybe,” you agree. “But what if he can’t help? What else?”

  “Choice number two: We do some research,” Gabe continues. “You know — watch a bunch of vampire movies. Read up on ghouls like you — no offense — at the library. Stuff like that. Maybe we’ll find out how to cure you.”

  “That sounds good. But it might take too long,” you reply. “What’s my third choice?”

  “The third choice is the most dangerous,” Gabe announces solemnly.

  Turn to PAGE 116.

  Someone’s thrown a dead body into the grave!

  Yeech! Pinned down by a creepy corpse. You should never pay attention to your instincts!

  You can’t budge the body. You can hardly move. “Help!” you cry. “Get me out of here! Helllppp!”

  In answer, shovelfuls of wet earth rain down on your head.

  You’re being buried alive!

  Turn to PAGE 73.

  “No problemo,” you tell him. “I’m never getting the braces off. Ever.”

  “Cool,” Gabe says, nodding. “The only question I have is this: What are you going to be for Halloween?”

  “Easy,” you answer. “I’m going to pretend I’m human!”

  THE END

  Oh, no, you think. NO!

  For an instant, you close your eyes. You don’t want to look.

  But even with your eyes closed, you can imagine what happened.

  Fifi bit the Berklines’ dog.

  No. It’s worse than that, you have to admit. Much worse.

  Fifi bit Buttermilk — and drank his blood!

  “Buttermilk, poor boy,” you say, petting him.

  Is he dead? you wonder. You place your ear close to his chest and listen.

  All at once, the golden retriever turns his head, opens his mouth, and snaps in your face!

  Turn to PAGE 3.

  You don’t want to leave unsightly fang marks on your best friend’s neck, do you?

  On the other hand, what’s the point of being one of the undead if you can’t drink the blood of a human now and then?

  And Gabe has plenty of blood to spare….

  Go on. Take a little bite. Just a nibble….

  Go to PAGE 87 and bite Gabe, if you dare!

  In a panic, you pick up a chair. You hurl it through the window of the NO ADMITTANCE door. Then you reach through the broken glass and unlock the door from the other side.

  You’ve got to find Gabe. No matter how dangerous it is, you’ve got to find your friend — and fast!

  You hurry down the long, twisting hallway. Shattered glass crunches under your feet. In the dark, you sense the right direction. Toward the door that Carmine opened. The one leading to the coffins.

  Vampires sleep in coffins, you think, as you near the door.

  You slowly turn the knob.

  SQUEAK! Uh-oh! Are
the door’s hinges rusty? No, it’s only a mouse.

  The door opens noiselessly.

  You lift your foot and step across the threshold. But as you put your weight down, the wooden floor gives way.

  And you start to fall!

  Fall all the way to PAGE 117.

  The next few moments are a blur. You struggle to push your huge dog away.

  Suddenly, someone pulls the dog off you.

  It’s Weniger!

  Weniger? Saving your life?

  Fifi runs howling out of the movie theater.

  Your neck is throbbing. And your dog — your vampire dog — is gone.

  You run down the aisle, dribbling blood. You’ve got to catch her!

  “Wait!” Mr. Weniger calls. He and Gabe catch up to you outside the theater.

  “I’m sorry,” Weniger tells you. “I thought I could help. You see, I’m a dog psychologist.”

  “Huh?” Gabe says, laughing. “A doggie shrink?”

  “Yes,” Weniger goes on. “I noticed that your dog thinks she’s a vampire. So I brought her to this movie to show what a horrible life she was choosing for herself. Unfortunately, she enjoyed the film. I’m afraid my plan backfired.”

  Turn to PAGE 47.

  You decide not to bite your dad.

  You can wait, can’t you? Just a few minutes longer …

  Although the need for blood is twisting your stomach into a tortured, painful lump.

  Maybe I’ll find a victim in the parking lot when we go outside, you tell yourself.

  Your dad locks up the office, and you walk to his car.

  Rats, you think. There isn’t a soul in sight.

  Until …

  Out of the corner of your eye, you see a flicker of movement. A figure lurks behind a lamppost. A figure dressed in black.