Please Don't Feed the Vampire! Read online

“I know just the guy,” you tell Mr. Reuterly.

  “Excellent,” Mr. Reuterly declares. “Lead the way.”

  Turn to PAGE 42.

  Run! you think. And don’t look back!

  You retrace your steps. Past the coffins. Past the table of blood-filled goblets. You finally reach the room you fell into from the trapdoor.

  You dash in and slam the door. The darkness is total.

  CLICK! You hear Gabe slide the bolt shut.

  SHUFFLE! SHUFFLE!

  “What’s that noise?” you whisper.

  A weird, quavery voice speaks out of the dark. “It is I, Count von Smelling. The greatest vampire of them all!”

  Oh, great! You escaped from the other vampires — but now you’re locked in a room with the big cheese! You can’t see him, but you can imagine how Count von Smelling must look. Ten feet tall. Burning red eyes. Six-inch fangs.

  You’re finished!

  Or … are you? Turn to PAGE 38.

  You pop your head out the bathroom door.

  “If I get some sleep, I’ll be okay,” you tell your mom.

  “Okay, honey,” she answers. She blows you a kiss. “See you in the morning.”

  * * *

  When you wake up the next day, you tell your mother you’re still sick.

  She believes you. After all, the color seems to have drained out of your skin.

  “Be sure to drink lots of liquids,” your mom calls as she hurries off to work.

  “Don’t worry,” you call back. “That’s just what I had in mind.”

  Turn to PAGE 62.

  The vampire dogs close in on you. A small set of teeth clamps down on your leg.

  “Hey, get off me!” you yell.

  You jerk your leg so hard, the dachshund goes flying. He lands with a splash in a kiddie wading pool.

  For an instant, the other two dogs look away, surprised.

  It gives you time to glance around quickly. Looking for escape routes.

  There’s a door leading from the patio into the garage. If you hurry, you might be able to hide in the garage before the dogs get you.

  But you might be trapped in there.

  Or you can make a dash for the house. But what if the sliding-glass doors are locked?

  Well? Do something — fast!

  If you dash to the garage, turn to PAGE 136.

  If you run into the house, turn to PAGE 93.

  You hope your mom has a strong heart. You open wide and say, “Ahhh.”

  Your mom peers in. “What’s happened to your canine teeth?” she asks, eyes growing wide. “They’re so sharp! Are they bothering you?”

  Hey, if you can’t tell your mom you’re undead, who can you tell? “Oh, Mom,” you moan. “I bought this costume called Vampire in a Can and there was a packet of something inside — I think it was blood — and I drank it! And now I’ve turned into a vampire!”

  “Don’t worry.” Your mom gives you a comforting pat on the back. “I know what to do. Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

  Turn to PAGE 63.

  “Wait,” the countess calls. Her face looms over the coffin. “I promised to answer all your questions.”

  Groggy, you manage to ask, “Why?”

  “That Vampire in a Can idea was a mistake,” the countess explains. “You see, we thought we needed some ‘young blood.’ But you kid vampires! You’re too good at finding victims. Soon, there’ll be more vampires than humans. So I’ve decided to put the young ones on ice. Don’t worry, though. You’ll have your turn — one day.”

  “Gabe?” you mumble as if calling his name in a dream.

  “Oh, Gabe?” the countess explains. “We drank his blood. He’s in the coffin next to yours. Now, sleep tight, dear.” She laughs a silvery laugh. “And don’t let the coffin-bugs bite!”

  THE END

  The minute you see Robbie’s parents in the driveway, you panic and run.

  Down the steps. Across the front lawn. Into the street.

  You run all the way to the park at the end of the street. Then you hide in the bushes.

  RRRREEEE! RREEE! RREEE! RREEE!

  A police siren pierces the stillness of the night.

  Uh-oh. That’s right. You forgot!

  Robbie Morgan’s dad is a police officer!

  Then you hear Mr. Morgan’s voice on his police loudspeaker. He’s calling your name!

  You’ve been recognized!

  Run to PAGE 121.

  CLICK! CLICK! CLACK!

  “What’s that sound?” you whisper.

  “It’s my knees knocking,” Gabe explains. “This place is terminally creepy. Let’s just book home, tell your parents the whole story, and let them deal with it.”

  “No way!” you declare. “I’m staying till I get what I came for.”

  As you bicker, the back door opens. A short, pudgy man walks into the office.

  “Well, well,” he says, giving you a fatherly smile. He doesn’t look scary at all. “You must be the one who called. About Vampire in a Can?”

  You nod and start to answer, but he keeps talking.

  “Fine. Glad you found us so easily. I’m Herman Carmine. Come with me,” he says, jerking his head toward the NO ADMITTANCE door. “We’ll fix you up in no time.”

  Gabe steps forward.

  “Not you,” the man says firmly to Gabe. “You stay here.”

  Turn to PAGE 60.

  Fifi is sitting up in the seat, watching Dracula on the big screen.

  You twist out of the manager’s grip and run up the aisle, stopping at your pooch’s row.

  “Fifi,” you call softly. “Come here, girl.”

  “Shhhh!” Everyone in the row turns to shush you.

  That is, everyone but Fifi. She’s staring, transfixed, at the movie screen.

  “Fifi!” you cry, grabbing her collar.

  Your dog looks you in the eye coldly, as if you’re a stranger. Then she bares her teeth and leaps at you!

  You scream!

  “Quit screaming!” yells an angry moviegoer.

  As Fifi bites into your throat, you think: Where’s the manager now — when you really need him?

  Quiet! Stop screaming and turn to PAGE 105.

  “I say we go back to Mr. Reuterly,” you tell Gabe. “Maybe he knows what was in that packet of —”

  “Don’t say it,” Gabe interrupts. “Let’s just go.”

  You nod and stuff the costume back into the Vampire in a Can can.

  You head for the kitchen door. Gabe pulls it open. A beam of daylight streams in.

  “Hold it!” you scream.

  You cringe, shielding your eyes from the light. You double over in burning pain. In a few seconds you’ll be as crispy as a french fry!

  “Close the door — quick!” you shout at Gabe. “The light is killing me!”

  Turn to PAGE 54.

  “Okay, okay,” you agree. “Who are you? Where do you live?”

  “This is Jeremy Weniger,” he snarls. “I’m over on Mulberry Street.”

  Jeremy Weniger? The weirdo? The guy who keeps caged cockroaches as pets?

  “Hurry up,” he continues, “or I might do something you’ll regret.”

  He chuckles softly to himself. Then he hangs up.

  “Oh, brother,” you moan. “Fifi is over at Mr. Weniger’s house!”

  “Yikes!” Gabe replies. “The guy who never mows his lawn? The one with the weird gargoyle on his mailbox? The one who stays up all night and never goes out?”

  “Yeah,” you nod. “We’d better get over there before Fifi bites him.”

  “Or before Weniger bites Fifi!” Gabe adds, heading for the door.

  Turn to PAGE 111.

  “I’m drinking the Garlic Spray,” you tell Gabe. “I really think you should, too.”

  “Okay, but you go first,” Gabe says slyly.

  Each of you pours one bottle of Garlic Spray into a glass. You chug-a-lug yours.

  “P-U,” Gabe complains. “Your breath is killing
me!”

  “It probably will,” you retort, “unless you drink yours, too. Now!”

  Gabe gulps his down. Pretty soon, the whole room stinks of garlic. It smells so bad, your mom comes barging in to see what’s wrong.

  “What’s going on in here?” she asks, holding her nose. “You smell like that creepy man who owns Scary Stuff. What’s his name? Mr. Reuterly.”

  How can that be? you wonder.

  Mr. Reuterly would not use garlic. He’s a vampire!

  “Yes,” your mom goes on. “He used to eat garlic all the time. He told me it was to ward off vampires. Can you imagine? Then, a few months ago, he suddenly stopped.”

  Turn to PAGE 133.

  Slowly, you turn to see who’s behind you.

  “Good evening,” a dark, shadowy figure whispers. “I see you’ve found my home-away-from-home.”

  The shadowy figure steps forward. A beam of moonlight strikes his face. Then his fangs. Then the glass eye sitting on his palm!

  “Mr. Reuterly!” you cry.

  Go on to PAGE 112.

  “Honey? Are you awake?” a voice calls from the hallway.

  Uh-oh. Mom!

  “Uh, yeah, I’m up. But I’m still not feeling too well,” you call back.

  Your mom pushes open your door and comes in.

  “Should I take your temperature?” she asks, sounding worried. “Here — open your mouth and let me look at your tongue.”

  Yikes! You don’t want your mom to see your fangs!

  Or do you? Maybe she can help….

  If you want to show your mom the fangs, turn to PAGE 21.

  If not, turn to PAGE 78.

  “What do you mean I’ll make mistakes?” you demand.

  “Oh, you know.” Reuterly shrugs. “You’ll get careless about who you bite and when. Someone will see you, and pretty soon the whole town will be hunting you down. The next thing you know, they’ll be trying to drive a stake through your heart. Being undead is no picnic, believe me.”

  Whoa! you think. He’s right. There’s a lot you don’t know about being a vampire.

  “Maybe having a teacher isn’t a bad idea,” you say.

  “And all you have to do is find me young victims.” Reuterly holds out his hand. “So? Do we have a deal?”

  If you agree to his terms, turn to PAGE 17.

  If not, turn to PAGE 52.

  Right now, your future looks dark. Like this cell. But don’t panic! Just find the book. And the match.

  “Where’s the table?” whispers Gabe.

  You feel a sharp pain. “Yeow! I just bumped into it.”

  “Good work,” Gabe laughs.

  You feel for the match on the tabletop. A splinter pierces your finger.

  Gabe smells the blood seeping from your wound. He grabs your hand and licks it. You pull your hand away.

  “Type O Positive. My favorite flavor,” Gabe murmurs, smacking his lips.

  “Quit it,” you order. “Let’s get busy!”

  At last you find the match and the ancient, leather-bound book. You open it to the page marked with the ribbon.

  You strike the match. In its flare you read old-fashioned lettering. It says:

  TO REVERSE VAMPIRISM —

  But the rest of the page is torn out!

  Turn to PAGE 81.

  First you sink your teeth into Gabe’s throat.

  Then he bites you back!

  Uh-oh, you think. This wasn’t part of the plan….

  Within seconds, both of you feel a strange change. Your fangs grow longer. Your skin turns pale.

  You’re both full-fledged vampires!

  There’s no changing back. The transformation is complete!

  “Whoops,” Gabe says sheepishly. “I guess that wasn’t the right cure.”

  Nope. But now that you’re a vampire, you might as well make the best of it.

  “I know what to do,” you announce with a toothy grin. “Let’s go to the local blood bank and make a big withdrawal!”

  THE END

  “Yeah,” you tell Gabe. “I’ll open it. Give it back.”

  “Be careful,” Gabe warns. “You don’t want to squirt that gunk all over your cute little cape.”

  “Thanks, jokeboy,” you grumble.

  First you try to rip open the packet with your fingernails. But the plastic won’t tear.

  Frustrated, you pull the fake fangs out of your mouth. Then you put the packet between your teeth and yank hard.

  A syrupy liquid shoots out, spilling into your mouth. A tiny bit dribbles out, leaving a red streak on your chin.

  “Ummm. Yum!” you say, slurping up the liquid. It’s so good, you want to drink every drop. Quickly, you squeeze the rest of the packet into your mouth.

  “What is that stuff?” Gabe asks, squinting at you.

  “It definitely isn’t ketchup,” you reply. “But it’s excellent. I love it!”

  “It’s gross,” Gabe declares, scowling. “It looks like blood. Real blood.”

  “Blood?” you cry.

  Turn to PAGE 50.

  “Mr. Reuterly!” you cry.

  You always kind of liked Mr. Reuterly. Even though he’s the Eyeball Man. For a moment, you hesitate. But when you see his fangs, you know what you must do.

  You aim the plastic bottle of Garlic Spray at his face and start pumping the spray button.

  “Take that, sucker!” you yell. The smell of garlic makes you want to puke.

  A fine spray of liquid hits Reuterly in his eyes.

  “Oowww!” he screams, doubling over in pain.

  The other vampires don’t want any part of your garlic gun. You hear them moan and gag from the garlic as they scurry down the stairs.

  You and Gabe high-five each other. Then you each grab two bottles of Garlic Spray and dash toward the exit.

  You don’t stop running until you get home.

  Gabe collapses on the floor in your room.

  “Phew!” he pants. “Close one!”

  “Yeah,” you agree. “But it’s not over yet. We’re still vampires!”

  Turn to PAGE 115.

  Gabe lifts you to your feet. You barely make it to Scary Stuff. The front door is locked.

  But Gabe finds an unlocked window on the side street. He pushes it up and climbs inside. You follow.

  Gabe quickly locates the shelf full of Vampire in a Can costumes. Eagerly, you pry open the lid of one can. You frantically feel around for the small packet of lifesaving liquid. Your mouth is foaming!

  Blood! Give me blood!

  You’re going to pass out again if you don’t have it. Right this second!

  Stay awake till you get to PAGE 57.

  As it swoops toward your face, you bat the screeching bird to the ground.

  At once, it flies up again. It darts at your neck.

  “Help!” you shriek.

  A door opens near the back of the house. Then you hear the clicking sound of claws on wood.

  Batting the parrot away, you glance toward the hallway. Good grief! A dozen vampire pets are racing toward you.

  Cats — with fangs. Puppies — with fangs. Mice, snakes, rabbits, tarantulas, hamsters. With fangs!

  You try to run out of the house, but you trip over the doormat. WHAM! You hit the ground hard.

  Instantly, the vampire pets are on you, biting you. Draining your blood.

  “Helllp!” you cry, flailing at them.

  Another door opens. More claws on wood. Your heart sinks as you realize: Another dog is coming.

  And this one sounds huge!

  Turn to PAGE 135.

  We’ve had it, you think. Count von Smelling is going to drain all our blood!

  Then Gabe speaks up.

  “Excuse me,” he says. “But exactly what makes you the greatest vampire of all time?”

  “I am the oldest,” Count von Smelling answers proudly. “I am in the Guinness Book of World Records!”

  That’s what makes him the greatest?

  “Uh �
� congratulations,” you say politely.

  “Wow, you must have seen it all,” Gabe adds.

  “Oh, I have,” Count von Smelling agrees eagerly. “It all started back in the year 1327. That’s B.C., of course …”

  The count starts to tell you his life story. And it’s some long story! You quickly realize why the other vampires keep him in here. His quavery voice drones on, hour after hour. Day after day. Year after year.

  You’ve heard the expression “bored to death”?

  Unfortunately, you and Gabe are now among the undead. But during the eternity you spend with Count von Smelling, you never stop hoping….

  THE END

  Gabe whistles. “Calls accepted after dark only. That’s weird. Are you going to phone?”

  Staring at Gabe’s neck, your thirst returns. The thirst for …

  You think, Don’t think of blood.

  Too late! You just thought of it!

  “What choice do I have?” you moan, and hurry to a pay phone on the corner.

  You pick up the receiver and punch in the number.

  It rings thirteen times before a man’s voice answers.

  “Thank you for calling Vampire in a Can,” the voice says. “How can I help you?”

  Quickly you explain your problem.

  “Yessss,” the man says in a slithery tone. “You must come to 999 Sanguine Road. We’ll be here till midnight.”

  Then he hangs up.

  “Sanguine Road?” Gabe exclaims when you tell him the address. “I know that word. ‘Sanguine’ means ‘bloody’! Stay away from there, I’m telling you. Don’t go!”

  If you take Gabe’s advice, turn to PAGE 70.

  If you ignore Gabe, turn to PAGE 91.

  You jump into some prickly bushes to avoid being hit by Weniger’s car.